Vampire Fiction With Hilarious, Human Characters You’ll Totally Love!

Mar 28
06:53

2011

Matt R. Jones

Matt R. Jones

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Most characters in vampire fiction are based upon a handful of basic models…

Villainous variations on good ‘ol Count Dracula are all over the place.  Filly,Vampire Fiction With Hilarious, Human Characters You’ll Totally Love! Articles brooding echoes of Anne Rice’s classic Lestat or poor sad Louis are also quite common.

You also get a lot of guys who are similar to Laurell K. Hamilton’s sly and sensual Jean-Claude, or Charlaine Harris’ respectably-understated Bill.  And I don’t need to say anything about the sudden flood of Edward Cullen clones running around!

Yes, yes, I know – but just remember… Edward sells a lot of books.  Even if you don’t like him, Edward helps keep vampire fiction popular and profitable.  He’s currently the public face of vampire fiction – the poster-boy, if you will.

Even if you don’t necessarily like him.  That’s okay if you don’t – I’ve got an alternative for you.  But first, I’d also like to add…

Where the heck are the compelling FEMALE vampires?  Anne Rice has the adventurous Pandora, and Nancy Collins has the magnificent, vicious-yet-vulnerable Sonja Blue, but beyond that, you don’t get a lot of good lady vamps.

You can only read about so many Vampira clones or dangerous succubae before it becomes old hat, y’know?

I honestly don’t know why there’s such a narrow range of vampire characters available.  Not to mention why so many of them aren’t people you’d want to hang out with.  Vampire fiction does a great job where dangerous, unhappy characters are concerned – and they certainly make for good reading – but you don’t get a lot of vampires you can relate to…

Or laugh with.

 

Sex, Blood, & Rock ‘n Roll throws traditional vampire fiction rules out the door by giving you an entire cast of quirky, totally modern vampires you’ll understand, feel for, and yes… laugh with.

From the lovably-loony, shotgun-blasting Stacey waging war with a profanity-spitting chupacabra in the truly absurd “The Thing In Stacey’s Garage” to…

The grouchy paranormal professor Tommy hunting for a long-lost favorite soda and falling into a Lovecraftian pit of hellish horror in “The Gas Station That Time Forgot” …

The Hollywood Vampires aren’t like any other immortals you’ve EVER met.

As a writer, I’m far more inspired by personality-rich action adventures like Desperado and thoughtful, playfully obscene comedies like Clerks – I love stories and movies with characters I can understand and relate to.  Characters who are human beings instead of otherworldly cut-outs.

That means…

You’ll be enjoying vampires who are just as human as you and I – they’re uniquely shaped by their own particular quirks, drives, and desires.

These are characters whose motivations you’ll understand, whose actions you’ll relate to, and who quirks will make you chuckle… and howl with hilarity.

You’ll meet vampires who love, laugh, and wanna rock.  And sometimes, they just wanna get laid, like good-natured ladies’ man Dorian does in the 80’s-style adventure “Hunter Hunted.”

But instead of just going home with a weirdo – like what happens to all of us sometimes – the girl Dorian leaves the club with is a star-spawned horror with a hunger for vampire blood.

You’ll thrill to Dorian’s heart-pounding fight for survival in an abandoned mansion on Mulholland Drive – which only gets worse when he plummets to the Stygian abyss of the basement.  What lurks in the blackness will make you shiver…

Because ultimately, Dorian’s not one of those mysterious, inhuman creatures you meet in most vampire fiction.

He’s a friendly fellow you could sit and drink with, and have a lively conversation with over the merits – or lack thereof – of Guns ‘N Roses’ Use Your Illusion albums.

When you’ve got characters you can relate to, understand, and like as human beings, you’ll care for them much more deeply.  You’ll cheer when they’re struggling for success and your heart will tighten with tension when they’re in trouble.

Compelling characters give you a much more exciting reading experience, and besides…

Not everybody wants or even ENJOYS vampire fiction with the same serious, dark-eyed character types.  Vampires are versatile, highly-adaptable characters, and there’s room for vampires who make you laugh so hard you have to put your book down.

Seriously, it happens.  I’ve had people from Canada to Australia tell me how “The Thing In Stacey’s Garage” made them laugh until they had to stop to catch their breath.

How’s THAT for something different in vampire fiction?

Stacey’s a dangerous screwball who shouldn’t be allowed to have a shotgun, but when that nasty little chupacabra shows up and starts wrecking his garage, he reacts in the way we all “get” – he’s out to defend what’s his.

You can understand that, you can FEEL it, and you can relate…

You’ll genuinely LIKE Stacey as a person – so when the chupacabra drops a heavy crate of old porno magazines on his head, you’ll wince even while you’re laughing… and hope Stacey teaches that little jerk a lesson!

Likeable, human characters are pretty rare in vampire fiction, and that’s because they’re not for everybody.  Not all readers are ready for characters who’ve embraced their vampirism and want to live their lives to the fullest, without the usual brooding, melancholy, or villainy.

Most readers prefer their vampires dark, distant, and dangerous.  No problem.

The Hollywood Vampires aren’t for everybody, and most mainstream readers won’t know what to do with them.  But if you’re one of those readers who doesn’t necessarily like what you’re SUPPOSED to and have a habit of searching for the new and exciting…

You’re in luck.

Follow the link below and meet the whole weird, wild, and wacky cast of Sex, Blood, & Rock ‘n Roll

Sex, Blood, & Rock ‘n Roll

You’ll have the whole big book – 194,000 words of rogue vampire fiction – in just four minutes… or less!  And don’t worry – I promise you that none of the Hollywood Vampires sparkle.  At all.  Some of ‘em sure do cuss a lot, though.