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Moving on From Martial Separation and Divorce – A Guide for Men

Moving on from marital reparation and divorce is not an easy task for man or woman, but women tend to have a huge amount of social and professional resources to help them through.

 Men on the other hand are left to fend for themselves with lesser or greater degrees of success. If you are stuck in this seemingly endless post-divorce zone and cannot quite work out how to leave it behind to move on in life, here is a short guide that may help.

The Stages of Divorce

The emotional stages of divorce are very similar to the stages you go through with any event that causes grief such as the death of a loved one. You are in fact losing a loved one in a divorce, but what makes it worse is they are still there but cannot be the same person to you that they once were. The usually process goes something like this:

• Denial – When you don’t really believe this is happening. The full reality of the situation is yet to sink in and you hold the belief that it will come good very soon.
• Anger – Once the reality does set in one common reaction is anger, frustration, bitterness and other powerful negative emotions. You are hurt and want to lash out in retaliation at whatever target is nearby.
• Bargaining – Once the anger subsides it is usually replaced by desperation. Often last ditch attempts to win them back come into play, or bargaining for other things as you try to salvage whatever you can of your former life.
• Depression – Sadness and depression often follow once the dust has settled and the anger and desperation are gone. This is a dangerous stage and some men never fully recover.
• Acceptance – The good news is that most men eventually reach acceptance of the divorcer and their new life. Getting to this stage can take years for some men, and a shorter time for other depending on many factors and a guys understanding of himself.

Underlying Psychology

While emotions such as anger and depression are easy to see, the reason that these emotions come into existence is because of deeper underlying psychological elements.

The short version is that your ego (which is your view of yourself as a person in regards to society) has been hurt. It must now reform to a new ego which is fights against as it is a radical shift that destroys your old ego.

This is also tied to your low self esteem that comes form being divorced. A low self esteem with a hurt ego demands to be fed. This reliance on self esteem is a dangerous thing that causes men to become trapped in a cycle of behaviour designed to make themselves feel more powerful and better about themselves by any means.

This ends only when your ego recovers which becomes easier if you abandon the need for self esteem for a more healthy self respect instead.

Forgiveness

The final stage to being completely over a divorce and being able to move on and live a new and better life is forgiveness. This may seem like an impossible task when you are living in post-divorce hell but it is essential to achieve or you will always be haunted by your marriage break up.

Being able to forgive does not mean you condone anyone’s actions. It does not mean forgetting either. It just means that you hold no anger or resentment, that you may never understand, but it no longer bothers you. It is just a letting go of all pain and angst that will set you free and allow you to live life in happiness.

For more information about these aspects of moving on from martial separation and divorce and more specific details on coping with the everyday challenges you will face, click below to find out a comprehensive guide on divorce recovery written just for men.

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I thank you for taking the time to read this short report

Article Tags: From Martial Separation, From Martial, Martial Separation, Self Esteem

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