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Could Liposuction Help America's Obese?

It could sound something like a post-apocalyptic nightmare society, like something out of an Orwell or Huxley novel. The idea might even sound horrendously unethical, authoritarian, or from the script...

It could sound something like a post-apocalyptic nightmare society, like something out of an Orwell or Huxley novel. The idea might even sound horrendously unethical, authoritarian, or from the script of a bad B-movie horror flick. But considering the United States is one of the fattest, obese countries on the planet, has anyone yet to entertain the idea of a forced, mandatory liposuction? If we could figure out a way to stick the tubes in the guts of even 30% of Americans, we think the country would truly transform itself.

Before anyone gets too freaked out, consider how this could be implemented without delving into the dark, dystopian nightmare that may be looming in the back of the head as this idea is entertained. Might government offer assistance or tax breaks for those who sign up to receive a liposuction? Beginning with the fattest first, the United States could suck the fat out of its citizens, save the lives of millions, and use the thousands of tons of sizzling fat as a new energy source. It's pure genius.

With trillions wasted on unnecessary wars are wasted while Americans slowly try to innovate the next green, non-petrol energy source, we could be using our time wisely by sucking the fat out of our love handles, inner thighs, man boobs, beer guts, and under arms, all while moving the country to a brighter, slimmer future. It seems like a win-win situation: America becomes healthier, more attractive, and less dependent on foreign oil, all with the help of liposuction technology.

With the thousands of tons of fat collected each year, the United States could completely reinvent itself. Renewable products could be made from the waste, new methods of composting would come above, and the inevitable home liposuction kit would be developed. Imagine each Sunday afternoon a state fat collector comes by to pick up any leftovers you and your family may wish to deposit. We could all save America with one fatty cell at a time! And since fat people tend to be the most unnecessarily patriotic, it probably wouldn't be too difficult to suck out the excess.

Of course, no one actually believes this would become a reality; if it did however, brace yourself for lower health care costs, decreased rates of heart disease, and a reduction of war and conflict as the scramble for resources would be dependent on our thighs and bellies instead of the amount of oil barrels the Middle East. Global peacetime might have the chance to ensue, and if we ever had to go to warFree Web Content, none of us would be too fat to go! It is such a wonderful idea that it's rather shocking no one else has thought of it. Mandatory liposuction for all could thrust this nation back to its original standing when the country was respected around the world and we didn't have so many fat citizens wobbling around.

Article Tags: United States

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