Bolstering Beliefs

Nov 3
22:00

2003

Louise Morganti Kaelin

Louise Morganti Kaelin

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At some time in your life you have probably used ... or other positive ... to change an ... opinion or ... The more you have done this, the more you know that ... it w

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At some time in your life you have probably used
affirmations or other positive self-talk to change an
attitude,Bolstering Beliefs Articles opinion or behavior. The more you have done this,
the more you know that sometimes it works and sometimes it
doesn't.

What makes the difference? Why are there times when you only
need to say the affirmation once and your whole life
changes? And yet you repeat other affirmations religiously
for days, weeks, months and sometimes even years and
nothing happens?

I believe that the difference between positive affirmations
that work and those that don't are the underlying beliefs
you hold regarding the topic at hand. If, for example, you
want to experience a loving relationship and your
underlying beliefs support the idea that you are lovable,
then the door opens to allow a relationship in. If,
however, you don't really believe that you are lovable, or
worthy, or good enough, that belief will negate all the
positive energy you expend to create a loving relationship.

It is interesting that negative beliefs don't stop us
wanting or desiring something. It's also interesting that
the belief is stronger than the desire. I think it's
because our beliefs are much deeper, living as they do for
the most part in our unconscious. They often come from our
parents and our childhood experiences, particularly from
our interpretation of those messages and experiences.

The best way to figure out if this is going on in your life
is to make a list of those items you have 'actively'
desired and that you still have not been able to create.
Then, think about the beliefs you would need to have in
order to support those desires. That's what I'm calling
'bolstering beliefs'.

The following exercise is a good way to get at the
underlying negative beliefs in order to change them.

1. Draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper, dividing
the page into two columns.

2. Choose one of the bolstering beliefs you've just
identified. On the left hand side, write down that
bolstering belief.

3. On the right hand side, write down the first thing that
pops into your mind. Don't think about this. You will have
an immediate thought. Just write it down.

4. On the left hand side, write down the bolstering belief.

5. On the right hand side, write down the first thing that
pops into your mind.

Keep on going back and forth between the two columns. Try
not to stop before going on to either side: that is, don't
'think' about it, just let the process flow. The goal is
not only to uncover the negative beliefs, but to get past
them. So, once you've identified one underlying belief
keep going. Others may come up. Continue until you end up
writing the same belief on both sides of the paper -- and
you believe it!

As you go through the process, you may need to modify the
bolstering belief as pieces of your unconscious negative
talk come through. For example, if your bolstering belief
is 'I deserve to make a lot of money' and you uncover the
fact that you feel guilty about making more money than
other members of your family, you might change it to 'I
deserve to make a lot of money, regardless of the financial
situation of my family'. Just keep the process going.
You'll know when it feels 'finished'.

As a final note, if you start the process and find that you
keep having the same 'first thought', just stick with it.
When a belief is really strong (and most of these are, or
you wouldn't be experiencing an inability to create what
you want), it presents opposition to being exposed.
Eventually, you'll relax with the process and other
thoughts will surface. Remember to take a lot of slow deep
breaths and I strongly urge you to do this longhand.