Explain Yourself! The Reason Why Excuses Sabotage Your Success

Self Help Articles | April 26, 2006

Learn how eliminating excuses will accelerate your success in life, career, and business.

Have you ever been in a situation where you were unable tomake good on a promise or commitment? Perhaps you werelate with a report to your manager, unable to take a child tothe playground, or late for dinner with your partner. Thequestion is, after the realization sets in that you can notdeliver, how do you explain why you were unable to meetyour obligation? Do you stand in the truth, own your actionsand give an honest reason, or do you make excusesconcerned only with freeing yourself from blame?

Is there a difference? For many of us, we have probablythought of the two as being one in the same. You may beasking yourself, “Is there really a difference?” At times, thedistinction between the two can be difficult to see. After all,excuses have the ability to be disguised as reasons foolingyou into thinking, “That sounds like a valid reason.” In fact,when you tune in and really listen, the facade of an excusewill quickly give way to expose the truth of falsehood.

Explanations come in two forms – excuses and reasons.Remember: you make excuses and you give reasons.

Explanations An excuse is an attempt to free oneself fromblame by deflecting attention and responsibility ontosomeone or something else. Excuses diminish your powerand say “I am not willing to take responsibility. Instead, Iwill settle for whatever path others choose for me as a resultof my actions.” Making excuses will erode othersconfidence in you, and destroy your self-respect. Therefusal to be personally accountable is rooted in the fear offailure - to be known as someone who did not deliver. Thisdefense mechanism results in a plea to convince others tooverlook your part and to minimize the damage caused byyour role in a given situation.

To say one has a “good excuse” is an oxymoron whichimplies there is a difference between good and bad excuses.All excuses are bad and unacceptable. Here are someexamples:

“I was late to the meeting because the clock in thelunchroom has been broken for a month.”
“My report is late because my manager didn’t remind me itwas due today.”
“I am not ready to give my report to the Board of Directorstomorrow because I was on vacation the last two weeks andI didn’t prepare.”

A reason is defined as a legitimate, truthful account of asituation which includes explanation of your part. Rooted ingood judgment, there exists a willingness to own youractions and deal with the consequences. Reasons seek toclarify what happened, who was responsible, and how todeal with the situation and seek immediate solutions so thatone can do better now and in the future. A reason is notmotivated by fear, but driven by respect and integrity. Hereare some examples:
“The reason I am late is because I had a flat tire.”
“Although I was assigned this report last Friday, thereason my report is late is because the mainframe crashedFriday afternoon and has been down ever since. I haveattempted to retrieve the information from our satellitelocation, but to no avail.”
“The reason I will not give a Power Point presentation isbecause the projector just died. Since it will be at least anhour before we locate a replacement, I will proceed without itand ask that you follow along via my handout.”

Action Steps When you are in the moment of truth,remember the choice is yours – you can make excuses or youcan give valid reasons. Here are a few questions to askyourself before you speak out to determine if you are aboutto make excuses or provide a reason:

1. What is your intent - is it to release yourself from totalblame or to provide a straightforward, honest account of thesituation and your actions?

2. Are you willing to accept the consequences of youractions and take steps to improve the situation?

3. Are you willing to honestly acknowledge the degree ofyour responsibility, and is there anything you could havedone differently?

The next time you are faced with the prospect of explainingyour actions, ask yourself “Is this an excuse or a validreason?” Always find the courage to behave with integrityand honor your self-respect. When faced with a choice

, thequestion is what will you do?

Article Tags: Make Excuses

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Joy Fisher-Sykes is a professional speaker, author, and
success coach in the areas of communication, leadership,
motivation, stress management, customer service, and team
building. You can e-mail her at
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427-7032. Go to her web site, http://www.thesykesgrp.com,
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