Thought
cannot heal a broken heart, and thinking will never open a heart that
is closed. Only feeling can accomplish such miracles. In a truly
committed relationship you dare to start breaking open locks and
knocking down walls.
"Twelve Keys to the Kingdom of Your Heart’s Desire"
Thought
cannot heal a broken heart, and thinking will never open a heart that
is closed. Only feeling can accomplish such miracles. As Blaise Pascal
said long ago, “The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing
of.” The keys to healing and opening your heart can be found not in
rationality but in the realms of emotion, energy, and spirit. You enter
these mysterious domains through a relationship when you surrender
fully to the joys and sorrows of giving and receiving love. In a truly
committed relationship you dare to start breaking open locks and
knocking down walls.
Here are the keys necessary and sufficient to open every lock upon your heart.
Self-love
Without self-love there can be no love for another. Loving yourself is
the secure foundation for all enduring relationships. Loving yourself
keeps you going as long as there is hope of a breakthrough in a
troubled relationship. Loving yourself gives you the courage to leave a
bad relationship. It is the fountain from which flow your love,
compassion, and generosity toward the soul mate you adore.
Intimacy
An intimate emotional, energetic, and spiritual connection with your
lover will pick the mechanism of the trickiest lock. Sexual and
spiritual ecstasy requires that the boundaries between you come down.
Your armor must drop away. In a relationship there is no other way to
reach the highest joy. Real strength includes emotional vulnerability
and the transparency of desire, allowing another person in to know all
of you, including your perceived weaknesses as well as your strengths.
Acting as if you were invulnerable, a mask designed to fool the world,
is really only a self-delusion, like that of the man who wears a cheap
toupee and assumes no one notices.
Commitment
Commitment is the determination to stand together through life’s joys
and sorrows, to maintain your vows of union, and to grow old together
in love. It includes a willingness to avoid behaviors that threaten or
endanger your relationship, particularly in sexual expression which
activates the emotional pitfalls of insecurity, fear, and jealousy.
Commitment does not mean you cannot love any other, but it does mean
that sexual love is exclusive to your chosen soul mate.
Selflessness
When acting selflessly, with your focus on others rather than you
alone, you respect your partner and serve the larger world community.
Selflessness stimulates empathy (the capacity to participate in
another’s emotions) and considers: “How will what I do or don’t do
affect the well-being of the one I love, of those closest to me, and of
all others in this world?”
Kindness Kindness,
almost synonymous for love, is always unconditionally given without any
expectations. How much have you dropped kindness from your behavior
vocabulary with your lover? How much have your interactions become
exchanges in which you give something only if there is a guarantee
you’ll receive something in return? When was your last random act of
kindness toward your soul mate?
Daring To be
emotionally vulnerable, to make your fears, longings, and desires
transparent, is to risk being judged, rejected, abandoned, and hurt.
Daring to take such risks requires uncommon courage, especially if you
have already been stung by betrayal. And yet there can be no open heart
without risk taking.
Trust Trust is a form of
faith. In spite of past experiences of deceit or betrayal, you act to
support your present relationship in love, kindness, and selflessness.
You give and give some more, never counting the cost. You know that
your actions will help bring out the very best in the one you love and
that more love, more happiness, and more joy will come to both of you
as well as to those around you.
Truth It’s true:
The truth will set you free. You can’t have the relationship you do
want if you settle for one you don’t want. Revealing your heart’s
desires to the one you love helps clear away the excess baggage of
self-pity, suffering, doubt, and fear. Any relationship that cannot
stand the truth will wither and die.
Unconditional Love
Like kindness, unconditional love acts without expectation of reward or
result. You give just to give. Nevertheless, unconditional love does
not mean that lovers don’t help each other grow. You reject disrespect,
abuse, or deceit. Unconditional love does not encourage you to stay in
a really bad relationship. With unconditional love, you can love
someone even if you don’t like him. Moreover, you can love someone even
if you can’t stay in relationship with her.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is for you as much as for the one forgiven. You might not
forget past transgressions, but you can gain the freedom to act as if
they never happened. Forgiveness, however, is not blindness. You do not
continue to accept the same hurtful behavior over and over again. You
might be able to forgive someone who has harmed you, but you reject
further mistreatment.
Pleasure In a relationship,
the giving of pleasure brings exquisite pleasure to the giver. Few
things feel as good as completely pleasing your partner. Since giving
and receiving pleasure are not only emotional acts but also spiritual,
sensual and sexual pleasure can become gateways to spiritual awakening.
Aren’t you a better person when you regularly experience pleasure?
According to neuropsychologist James Prescott, “Physical affectional
pleasure is not only moral but is morally necessary if we are to become
moral and spiritual persons in our common bond with humanity."
Romance
Just as sensual nutrition is food for your Body Freedom, so is romance
sustenance for your Heart Freedom. Romance simply involves repeatedly
affirming how important your lover is to you. In the first heady days
of falling in love, even the most unimaginative lover shows romantic
behaviors. The trick of romance is to continue your amorous attentions
after the early blush of romantic infatuation has faded.
Romance means making time for each other as lovers. Tell your mate how
lovely she is. Assure your partner that you admire him. Small,
affectionate tasks that require more effort than dollars (writing a
poem or singing a love song) are just as much part of the lover’s
repertoire as big ticket items like jewelry, candlelit dinners, and
exotic vacations. Remember, the essential part is to recognize and
demonstrate how important your relationship is to you.
