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When Couples Fight

Arguments happen. They occur naturally in the course of any human relationship. The varied differences between people and their opinions make disagreements inevitable. But when the verbal exchange cro...

Arguments happen. They occur naturally in the course of any human relationship. The varied differences between people and their opinions make disagreements inevitable. But when the verbal exchange crosses a certain threshold, things start to change. This is especially true when hurtful words are used. When this happens, the relationship begins to sour sometimes irreversibly.

This is true for any kind of relationship, be it between family and friends. And this negative effect is even more visible in the case of romantic involvements. It happens because respect for one another is decreased when painful words are traded. And when the arguments between a couple grow in frequency and intensity, there is hardly any understanding left. Further respect is lost until virtually none remains. Whatever love that used to exist is gradually replaced by contempt. It may even reach a point where physical pain is inflicted by one on the other. This is because we tend to hurt the people we hate.

And when a couple comes to blows, yet another threshold is breached. The partner who starts using violence on the other will undergo an unexpected transformation. The violent partner will abhor the victim even more.  This is because we tend to hate the people we hurt. Instead of feeling guilt for having harmed another human being, we come to rationalize the pain we inflict. We start believing that the person deserves it.

This is the vicious downward spiral of anger, hatred and violence that leads to even more hatred. It is for this reason that couples who fight keep on fighting. It has become the routine. Unless the cycle is broken, the fights between a couple will get worse. To break this cycleBusiness Management Articles, respect between them must be restored. Couples experiencing this problem may find it necessary to just give each other space to reflect on what was good and beautiful about the relationship.  Sometimes spending time apart will provide the couple the chance to appreciate each other’s presence. Allowing each other some time and space alone may even help them recall the reasons why they first fell in love.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR


Frederick Fabella, PhD is a graduate and undergraduate professor in the Philippines. He is an editorial board member of the IRP international research journal and a Fellow of the Royal Institution Singapore. He is the author of Transcendence: Essays For Personal Reflection. His blog can be found at Meanings and Perceptions.



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