Sexual touching is the
most intimate touching” into “Non-sexual touching is just as intimate
as sexual touching. Great sex combines physical technique with
emotional and energetic connection.
Divesting yourself of your body’s armor, so that you can be fully at
ease in your body and share it completely with your beloved, requires
learning a few new things and unlearning some old ones. In addition to
the common misperceptions already mentioned (people naturally know how
to make love, and touch is optional), you’ll come up against others.
You’ll need to replace limiting, sabotaging notions with body-affirming
and relationship-building ideas. This transformation includes:
Letting go of
“Pleasure, touching, and sex are dangerous, bad, and sinful” and
affirming that “Pleasure, touching, and sex are biological, emotional,
and spiritual needs—sensual nutrition.”
Shifting “My
lover is responsible for my pleasure” to “I am responsible for my
pleasure.” No matter how skilled, adoring, or attentive your partner
may be, unless you allow yourself to open to pleasure, you won’t
experience it.
Transforming “My partner should know
how and when I like to be touched—sexually and non-sexually” into “I
have to let my partner know what I like and need.” Very few are
mind-readers when it comes to lovemaking, and sex is one place where
you don’t follow the Golden Rule of “do unto others as you’d have
others do unto you.” Everyone has individual preferences for loving
touch. So push past your barriers of shame, guilt, or embarrassment and
ask for what you want.
Changing “Sexual touching is the
most intimate touching” into “Non-sexual touching is just as intimate
as sexual touching.” Intimate describes the quality of your touch, not
the activity itself. Intimacy goes far beyond the physical. The deepest
intimacy is grounded in an emotional, energetic, and spiritual
connection which you can cultivate through both sexual and non-sexual
touch.
Modifying “Young, hard bodies have the best sex”
to “Bodies have better sex as they age.” Sexual mastery evolves over a
lifetime of learning, because great sex requires knowledge and
practice. Our culture says young bodies are the sexiest, but simple
physical attractiveness doesn’t provide the emotional maturity and
self-confidence that are essential elements of extraordinary sex.
Qualifying
the notion that “Great sex is primarily a matter of physical technique”
into the realization that “Great sex combines physical technique with
emotional and energetic connection.” While skill is definitely an asset
in lovemaking, an open heart and a willingness to surrender to your
lover makes the difference between sex as pleasant pastime and sex as
ecstatic experience.
