Sandra Prior

The Incredible Sulk

Expect the worst and you'll never be disappointed, or so goes the thought. Jealousy has it's own rules though.

Guy walks in. Very cool. Very macho. He surveys the room without breaking his stride and spots the beauty in the corner. He strides up to her, looks her up and down, and says smoothly, ‘Wanna go on a date with me?’ ‘I have a fiancé,’ she replies automatically. ‘I don't care.’ ‘Well I do.’

‘You still haven't answered my question: wanna go on a date?’ he says cheekily. She struggles with herself, gazing up at him, clearly in awe of his utter coolness and masculinity. She knows she shouldn't, but he's just so dreamy. ‘No,’ she finally says. ‘Well I wouldn't want to go out with you anyway. You're so stuck up,’ he responds. And with a roguish wink and smile, he struts out, leaving her to mourn her loss.

A true story, I'm afraid. The poor besotted girl is my soon-to-be wife, and the guy is the scumbag that tried to pick her up that day. Although I don't really blame him, she is a stunner after all. As for him not caring about her being in a relationship, in my younger days, my friends and I had had the policy that a woman is single until she has a ring on her finger. So I can't complain now.

Still, when my girlfriend recounted the episode, I had sudden visions of enacting a prolonged and painful revenge on him, sharpened bamboo sticks, thumbscrews and many other torture devices of antiquity came to mind, as well as a few new ones. Ravenous flesh-eating aardvarks have their merits.

I should take it as a compliment that other guys show interest in my fiancée but, being a guy myself, I know exactly what they're thinking - and they're not looking for romance.
Truth be told, I got more than a little angry, and I'm a scary guy when I'm angry, like the hulk on steroids. Fuelled by rage, I did what any rational, albeit slightly ticked off, man would: I shouted at my girlfriend and told her she dresses like a slut. Problem solved. If she doesn't dress and act like a tramp she won't get hit on that often, right? Am I right?

Spending the next few nights on the couch and not getting any, got me thinking. Maybe, just maybe, I was overreacting a little. It's not all bad: I do like it when it's another girl flirting with her, which happens occasionally, and I get a few chuckles hearing the cheesy pick-up lines some guys use. One guy asked my girlfriend if she would give her phone number to his dog, which he was walking.

Besides, it's not like I think my girlfriend will actually do anything with any of these guys, and, admittedly, I wouldn't mind if she does something with another girl, as long as I'm included. So why do I get so jealous? I've never thought of myself as an overly jealous boyfriend, but, thinking back, whenever I'm in a serious relationship and I'm happy, in the back of my mind it's almost as if I expect to be cheated on. A part of me is of the opinion that if you expect the worst, you'll never be disappointed. I usually dismiss these thoughts as paranoid, but they never really go away.

Maybe it's because my parents got divorced when I was young. Maybe it's because I'm afraid I'll be unfaithful when I'm the one being seduced - it could happen - and project this onto her. Let's face it, while we might not go looking for it, we all love it when we're the focus of someone else's desire, and we never really know how strong our resolve will prove. I think it's something us guys should consider once in a while, and guard against.

Either way, I reckon I should be a little more concerned about my own fidelity and, at the very least, keep my paranoid delusions to myself. Damn, this couch really is uncomfortable.

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