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When your life is intertwined with someone else, it is nice to say that what happens to them is their stuff, but in reality it is affecting everyone around them. To be defensive and try not to deal with the feelings surrounding the issues is really just a case of bottling your feelings and eventually no matter how much you don't want to deal with it, those bottled feelings will spill over into your life as well, and sometimes to the point where their depression and anxiety becomes contagious.