3 Steps to Overcome Shyness

Shyness is an incredibly common psychological trait. Many peoples’ lives are impaired because there are too shy to be comfortable in social situations and to be authentic with other people.

As a communication coach, I often work with shy people and help them gain more social confidence. I have developed a three-step system for overcoming shyness that provides consistent results in practice. Here it is.

Step 1: Identify Limiting Beliefs

Almost every shy person I have ever worked with has some seriously limiting beliefs about themselves and others. They believe they come off as weird, that people secretly judge them or that they must always have the approval of others.   

Of course, these are unrealistic beliefs they have internalized over time and sabotage their social life. These beliefs need to be changed and they can only be changed effectively if they are recognized.

Step 2: Change Your Thinking

Due to their limiting beliefs, shy people tend to think badly of themselves and always interpret events to their disadvantage. If, for example, somebody is not smiling too much while talking with them, they’ll quickly assume it’s their fault and that person doesn’t like them.

This is why it’s important to combat such negative and irrational thinking, and replace it with a more realistic and constructive type of thinking. The more you do so, the more your mind internalizes the new way of thinking and abandons the old one.

Step 3: Gradually Be More Sociable

A change in thinking is not enough. It’s essential to also push yourself gently out of your comfort zone and become more sociable: get out more, interact with people and talk more. As you do so, you improve your social skills and disprove your limiting beliefs, thus getting more social confidence.

Last but not least, keep in mind that this process takes time and practice. The more you stick to it, the better results you get in getting over your shyness.