Defying Odds in Your Relationship – Seven must know secrets

I have a couple of assumptions that I know to be true:

• I believe that certain marriages and second marriage should never have happened;
• that couple can grow in two distinct different  directions and then stay together too long or gradually ‘die’ within a survival relationship;
• certain couples are really meant for each, yet some things go awry along the way and gradually wear away at the relationship until there is nothing left.

I also consider that there are two areas in our life that we are given insufficient preparation (training) or exposure to - Marriage and Child Rearing.  Rarely does anyone ever tell us specifically what it is like to live with someone 24/7 (the highs and lows)?  Some of us are ‘lucky’ if our parents have (had) a long-term partnership and can serve as good role models.  Still, what worked for them in the last half of the 20th century may not work for you in the 21st century.

Hence, if partners are actually right for each other how do we stop the ‘things’ that get in the way and stifle the relationship? With all the individual development, meditations and ‘journeys’ that we are on, let’s look at seven keys that can improve our relationships, namely:

1. Cut the daily hassles that relationships bring, so we are not just ‘getting through the day’ but enjoying the moments along the way.
2. Break down (or at least stop building) obstructions that can occur.  Instead of talking at each other or living in co-habiting isolation, start communicating through empathic listening, touch, genuine intimacy and appreciating each other.
3. Look at others for who they really are, not for what you want them to be.  Celebrate their strengths and value their weaknesses and the opportunities and room that are created for you within your relationship.
4. Don’t produce (in your head) a ‘monster’ that lives on the other side of the bed. Ask yourself why you see them so differently now than when you were first got together, what has changed in both you and them?  Why is your partner acting the way they are?  Are they reflecting what we feel about ourselves? Are their highest values being challenged?  Are they not feeling appreciated or are their needs not being met?  Humans rarely become ‘monsters’ so work out what has changed your attitude to them and what you both can do about it.
5. Bring more joy and harmony into your family by understanding each other better.  Take one moment at a time and consciously reduce the opportunities for conflict.  If you stick at this, in time it will become an unconscious habit and you will start to appreciate the gift of each situation.
6. Bring equality into the relationship, either through roles, commitment, actions, chores, or plain equal respect for each other.
7. Study the place for old fashioned values within your household.  I mean things like: respect, trust, good manners, care, dignity and most of all LOVE.

With second marriages or marriage later in life, everything is magnified and multiplied.  This is partly due to lifestyles tending to be more complex and already established e.g. careers, readymade families, financial investments/debt, possessions, and extended family views.

It is also partly due to our values, goals, beliefs and needs being far more developed and much harder to integrate.  All of these reasons are breeding grounds for potential conflict.  In my eBook series, I have provided much more in-depth assistance for couples who want to change the face of their relationship for the better.

As time goes on relationships have changed and have become extremely more intricate, yet when you strip away all complexities, the core is still the same:

• All people want to be loved for who they are;
• People’s greatest pursuit is LOVE (which is why we don’t give up even after the most painful of experiences); and
• Everyone is not created to be alone.

Therefore, remember these three important insights, as well as the seven keys, the next time your partner drives you crazy!  While how we approach a relationship or a second marriage must be different, what we search for hasn’t changed through all the centuries.