Dan and Jennifer

He Said “I Need Space!” and Stormed Out! Are We Breaking Up? (Video)

"I Need Space!" - What it Really Means... Isn’t it just amazing how a regular conversation on a happy day can turn into a vile, nasty argument? One minute you’re happy and in love, the next you’re screaming at the top of your lungs, and can’t think of enough hurtful things to throw at your partner!

Isn’t it just amazing how a regular conversation on a happy day can turn into a vile, nasty argument? One minute you’re happy and in love, the next you’re screaming at the top of your lungs, and can’t think of enough hurtful things to throw at your partner! AAAhhhhh!

And then something snaps, and one of you yells "I need space!" and storms out!

It’s typically the man who needs space, but not always… Maybe it’s the pressure of the argument, maybe it’s something else. The fighting just gets to be too much… and he just can’t take it anymore. So he backs, or runs away to catch his breath and get some air.

"I Need Space" is avoidance, a cry for help from a wounded animal. The argument, the fighting, or life in general has gotten to be way too much and he needs a break from all of the stimulation.

When he says that, you should respect it as frustrating as it may be. Sure you want to understand what’s wrong, what triggered it, and at this point, how you can make it better. But that’s not always possible. Trying to approach someone who’s pulling back like this will often just push him farther away. In this emotional state, he is truly acting like a wounded animal and will likely bite if you try to approach.

So is this the first sign of a break up? Is the end in sight? 

Probably not. People argue and fight, and that’s unfortunately just a normal part of any relationship. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants to break up, just that he needs a break at that point. It can be as simple as that.

However, if your relationship gets into a cycle of arguing and drama all the time, it very well may lead to break up! People spend time together to find happiness, companionship, and love. Not to fight and argue. No one likes to fight all the time and eventually, someone will leave.

Some people thrive on conflict, and others avoid conflict. We are all different, which is really a great thing - wouldn’t it be boring if we were all the same? But here’s where problems can start…

Those who thrive on conflict, will debate a topic until they’re completely exhausted. Others simply hate fighting and arguing, and will do anything to avoid conflict.

So for obvious reasons, a relationship between a person who thrives on conflict and a person who always avoids conflict can quickly end in a bitter break up unless they learn to work together and respect one another’s boundaries.

Here are our 3 Golden Rules for resolving disagreements and avoiding fights:

1. Check your egoFights and arguments are caused by the ego - your ego’s need to "win", to "be right". That’s how a simple disagreement or a regular conversation turns into a screaming match. He says something hurtful, she says something hurtful back, then you have to say something even more hurtful, and so on. It just gets dumber and dumber. Really. As an argument progresses, the collective IQ between the two people drops dramatically - at least is seems that way to an outside observer.
2. Never use the word "You" to start a sentence in an argumentKeep it about YOUR feelings, and never accuse the other person of what they did or should do. The moment you start saying "you did this" or "you said that", the other person gets defensive, and all intelligent conversation ends on the spot. Game over.
3. Agree to disagreeThis is one of the most important relationship secrets EVER. Here’s an amazing tip: you will NOT be able to convince everyone that you’re right on ANY topic. Fact is, we’re all individuals, and we see everything at least a little differently from each other. And that means, we’re occasionally going to disagree. The ego of course hates disagreement, so you end up fighting with people you disagree with and trying to ‘convince’ them why your perspective is obviously the right one. But how about this - respect others for their viewpoints and appreciate your differences, and move on. You don’t really have to change anyone’s mind about anything.

Here’s a question from a young lady in Pennsylvania trying to understand this very thing…

Dear Dan and Jennifer,

When an argument occurs, more times than not, a guy will say "I need space".

Is there a deeper meaning to "I need space"? Is he going to break-up with me? He was really angry when he told me this.

– Cris, Pennsylvania

Watch this short video for our thoughts on this very interesting question…

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