Job Hunting Tips #4 Accepting Judgment

Applying for work is stressful, no matter the circumstances.
Even if you are already working, and merely looking to see
what else is out there, you still want to be offered the
position. If you realize, half way through an interview,
that you would be miserable working for this company and you
wouldn't let your dog take the job, you still want it to be
offered. If the hours are unsuitable, the job duties
demeaning, and the salary a joke, you still want to be made
an offer.

Why is it so important to us to have an offer made which we
already know we will reject?

It is important because we are aware that we are being
judged. We talk about skills and experience and prior
accomplishments but that has already been outlined in a
resume. A face-to-face interview is for the purpose of
judging you as a person: Will you fit in? How do you express
yourself? How do you look? Are you pleasant to have around?
Are you likable?

If a job offer is made, we feel validated and worthwhile -
they liked us. We never think "He really didn't like me but
my skills are so great." We want to be liked, we want to be
wanted, we want to be appreciated for what we are.

If no job offer is forthcoming, we take it personally: "I
guess they didn't like me." Regardless of our whether our
skills were a fit, our salary in the ballpark, or our
experience applicable, we feel a personal failure. The
negative messages of a lifetime, stored in our brain, start
playing: "I'm just not good enough. I'm worthless. People
don't like me. Why do I always mess up? I'm such a failure.
Why can't I be more like . . . "

We mentally beat ourselves down by listening to those
constantly recycling tapes. Our spirits sink, our energy
evaporates, and our self-esteem plummets. This negativity,
and its destructive effect on our psyche, can be contained
by three techniques:

1. Awareness of what our mind is doing and consciously
interrupting its tirade.

2. A refocus of our mental attention to prior successes and
accomplishments, no matter how small, to counter the idea
that we are lifelong screw-ups.

3. Reframing our value as a person from the specific
employee/worker role into the total personality that we are:
in our intimate and social relationships, in our family,
in our community.

Applying for work sets us up to judged but we need to remind
ourselves that only a small discrete portion of who we are
is being examined. As a whole person, we are far more than a
worker and no employer can judge us on our totality.