For many people, dating and ... are not about relating but about mind reading. Do you know what I mean? When you are starting to date someone, isn't your mind busy ... your date's ever
For many people, dating and relationships are not about relating but about mind reading. Do you know what I mean?
When you are starting to date someone, isn't your mind busy analyzing your date's every action? Does he like me? What does she mean by that? Will he call again? Did I say the right thing and will she take it wrong? Will he reject me or judge me?
In a long-term relationship, it can be even worse. Will she nag me when I get home? Will he listen to what I have to say? What does he really feel? What does she want?
The funny thing is that most of us don't admit to believing in psychics and mind readers, and yet we try to practice it in our relationships.
Mind reading seldom if ever works. It is simply not possible to accurately interpret another person's actions, thoughts and feelings without input from them. Mind reading damages our relationships and drives us crazy.
Are you ready to stop driving yourself crazy by trying to figure out other's thoughts, feelings and emotions? Then it's time to welcome a new life with fewer headaches, more sleep and better relationships through communication.
All you have to do is assume "it's not personal" and communicate.
Assume it's not personal
In mind reading, you would assume that another's actions are a direct reflection of what the person thinks and feels about you. The truth is that even when you are in a long-term relationship, very little of your partner's actions have to do with you. This is even more profoundly so in dating situations.
What the other person is doing or saying, or not doing or saying, has very little to do with you and a lot to do with his or her life experience, way of being and current circumstances.
Communicate.
In mind reading, you would respond to another according to your interpretation of his or her actions. He or she would in turn respond to you according to his or her interpretation of your actions, and on and on and on.
Without mind reading and hence interpretation, the logical step is to communicate. Ask questions. Share your feelings. Ask for what you want. Set boundaries. Expand your communication repertoire. As long as you are gentle and respectful, you can say almost anything to anyone without causing an adverse reaction.
This will not work with everyone immediately, but will work with most people eventually. After all, communication creates intimacy and growth, which is why we all want relationships in the first place.
When you play the mind-reading game you set yourself up for craziness and often for disappointment, resentment, fear and anxiety. Once you stop playing the game, realize what's going on with the other person is not personal and start communicating, you'll notice a dramatic change in your peace of mind and the quality of your relationships.
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com
(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"
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