Has this ever happened to you? You’re sitting there, let’s say you’re at work, and you start to feel chilly, so you grab the sweater off the back of your chair without thinking – the one you keep at w
Has this ever happened to you? You’re sitting there, let’s say you’re at work, and you start to feel chilly, so you grab the sweater off the back of your chair without thinking – the one you keep at work – and slip it on.
A few minutes later you’re distracted again because you’re still cold. “That’s strange,” you think. You look around the office. No one else looks cold. You go to get your coat and you say, “Is anyone else cold?” They shake their heads no.
You put your coat over your lap and get back to work. But you’re still cold.
Suddenly it dawns on you – “I must be getting sick.” Nothing has changed outside, it’s something that’s going on inside you. It’s cold outside, but the temperature in the office hasn’t changed since you got in. It never does. And no one else is cold. You do a quite check – “Yes, my eyes are getting achy, yes I feel weak.” Ah hah.
Now, consider this in regards to your emotions. One of the Emotional Intelligence (EQ) competencies is reality-testing. The cornerstone of Emotional Intelligence is self-awareness. You need to know when something happens whether it’s because of something that happened outside, or inside. (Of course it can be a combination, t00.)
For example, let’s say you didn’t get a good night’s sleep and you skipped breakfast and you’re on a deadline. Your secretary isn’t there when you arrive, and doesn’t wander in till 30 minutes later, and you pitch a fit.
Now what caused what? On another day, with a good night’s sleep, and good breakfast and less stress, you wouldn’t have reacted that way. It wasn’t as much your secretary coming in late as it was your internal state.
Being able to distinguish what’s coming from the outside and what’s coming from the inside is important to your Emotional Intelligence – understanding and managing your own emotions and those of others. After all, you might present an excellent report to your boss one day right after he’s had a big fight with his wife, or when his ulcer is acting up. That will make a difference in his response and you need to factor that in.
And if you want your husband to consent to taking you to that concert, it would be emotionally intelligent to plan the ask for a time when you knows he’s most likely to say “yes.”
“Wait til your father’s had dinner,” my Mom always used to say. It can make a difference in your negotiating to be aware of the internal state of yourself and others.
