Imagine this scenario: you have a crucial report due to your boss the next day. This report could be your ticket to a promotion, the success you've been yearning for is just a few hours away. But then, your mind starts to wander, and you find yourself engaging in activities that are not related to your report. The following is a comprehensive guide that will ensure your report gets delayed, potentially jeopardizing your career progression. However, if you follow all the steps in this guide, you can be sure to avoid executive stress (since you'll never become an executive).
Start by running an antivirus program like Norton Anti Virus. Sit back and watch as it scans through all your files. Simultaneously, use your Maintenance Wizard to defragment your disk. It's probably been a while since you've done this, so it will consume a significant amount of time.
Go through all your old emails. Respond to a few that you've neglected. Review your message rules and create a few new ones. Explore some of the menu items that you've never used before.
Brew copious amounts of coffee. Invite friends over. Run out of coffee, necessitating a trip to the supermarket. Meet more friends, get invited out for lunch, drink excessively, and return home in the wee hours of the morning.
Look out of the window. Notice things that you've never seen before. Count the number of leaves on the tree opposite your window.
Get online and explore. Find an engaging chat room. Discuss today's game with as many people as you can. Post a few messages on a message board. Check out what's happening in Boulder. Visit the CNN page. Develop an interest in World Politics.
Find that old CD tutorial you bought a few years back. 'How to Speak Spanish'. See if you can progress beyond ordering a beer in a bar.
Look at yourself in a mirror. Worry about aging, going grey, losing your hair, gaining weight, developing spots, or whether you need cosmetic surgery. Stand in front of a full-length mirror naked and jump up and down to see which parts of your body wobble.
Call someone you haven't spoken to in years. Catch up on their lives. Then, tell them about the important report you're supposed to be writing. They might be sympathetic and even invite you over for a beer!
Create a digital database of your CDs, DVDs, books, etc. Better yet, go to the basement and bring out all of your old vinyl albums. You haven't seen them for years, so you'll need to read all the album sleeves again. Wonder what happened to 'Jefferson Airplane'?
Write an email to someone important, such as your boss, detailing all the things you dislike about them - their annoying habits, their quirks - everything. Then, hover your finger just above the 'Send' key. You're only a second away from potentially ruining your whole life. You can spend hours in this suspenseful state.
If you follow these steps, you're guaranteed to stay in your current job for a long time (unless they fire you). However, if you aspire to progress in life, ignore this guide. Stay focused, plan out your report, make it the best you can, and submit it to your boss on time. Don't delay, act today.
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