Do you have someone in your life who
talks too much? Do you happily sit and listen, considering it easy
entertainment, or is it an irritant? Your answer can be personally
enlightening, if you are open to it.
There are two people in my life who
have come to bug me and they both talk incessantly. When we have a
conversation, I feel invisible because it is always so one-sided.
Neither are good listeners and both are adamant about having the last
word, no matter what the topic. What irritates me the most is that each
will exaggerate to victoriously register the final point.
What I have come to realize is that
they bug me because I see all the characteristics that I don’t like
about myself in them. Let me explain: Silence is tough for me – I love
to express myself and talking is a great release. I also pride myself in
being persuasive so, of course, I want the last word – it’s my measure
of success. My husband says the reason that I tell such a good story is
that I am given to hyperbole.
So you see, there is really no
difference between me and the two individuals who irritate me. They are
my mirror and I am projecting my thoughts about myself onto them. Any
advice I would like to give them, I would be wise to take myself. Here’s
the 5 tips that I’d offer:
Build self-esteem: There is no need to embellish – we are good enough the way we are (and so are the facts of our story).
Relax: There is no
need to fill the gaps in conversation. Let it move fluidly. Silence is
charismatic and so is talking with our eyes.
Have confidence: If
we are thinking it someone else is as well. Neither of us have to say it
and the message will be delivered. It’s only our egos that want the
credit.
Be a witness: Listen
without planning what to say next, without editorializing and without
judgment. We can really “feel” the conversation this way and the
communication will be even richer.
Be unattached to outcomes: There is no need to control with talk – trust that the conversation will unfold.
The talkers in my life are there to teach me about myself and I realize there’s lots to learn. Is there anybody who bugs you?
After a highly successful career in business, including 26 years with
PotashCorp where she was Senior Vice-President, Betty-Ann retired in
2007, the same year that she was named to Canada‘s Most Powerful Women:
Top 100 Hall of Fame™. She now works as a speaker, author and mentor and
is committed to using her personal and professional experiences to
inspire and empower other women. A firm believer in the value women
bring to organizations, Betty-Ann explores changing perceptions of male
and female roles including candid observations about what she calls
"Good Gender Physics” on her blog at www.stillettochick.com.
She helps both men and women understand the primary energy of their
gender but also accept and appreciate the strengths of their opposite.
