The Biggest Mistakes Bosses and Employees Make

As a Marriage, Family Therapist for 27 years, I heard many clients complain about their bosses and employees. I realized that they were having similar problems. The number one issue seemed to be that they were projecting other people in their lives on each other. Therefore, they were not seeing one another clearly.

It is important to remember that we are all human beings, no matter what role we are playing. We all have feelings and beliefs whether we are aware of them or not. In a sense, it is similar to a loving relationship, in that some of the same basic principles apply.

For example, Stan, a forty-two-year-old engineer, felt his manager, Bob, was too critical and that he could never please him. He felt not good enough and unmotivated to do a good job. I helped Stan feel better with a process I developed called, HART (Holistic And Rapid Transformation). When I asked Stan who his boss Bob reminded him of, his father came to mind. Once I helped the engineer resolve his childhood issues with his dad, he felt more positive about himself, his boss, and his work.

I noticed that men and women often projected their mother and father issues on their bosses or other authority figures. I also learned that supervisors often treated their employees the way they were treated by their parents. Ironically, they hated the criticisms they received when they were growing up. Unfortunately, as adults, they were unconsciously repeating the negative behaviors that were modeled for them.

For example, there is a good chance that Bob was criticized by his parents, and therefore he was acting the same way toward Stan.

To help bosses and employees receive what they need to be effective at work and with each other at work, I wrote the following poems. These suggestions can improve professional relationships which are likely to increase the success of all concerned.

Imagine that you are saying the following to your boss, employer, manager, etc.

Dear BossPlease...

Be patient with me.

Compliment me when I do well.

Tell me specifically what you want and need.

Show compassion when I'm upset.

Value what I say to you.

Be kind and constructive when I make a mistake.

"Attack" the issues to resolve and not me or you.

Help me solve problems with win-win solutions.

See the humor in our situations.

Treat me as you would like me to treat you.

Thank you for hearing me. I appreciate you!Imagine that you are addressing your employee with the following words:

Dear EmployeePlease...

Be patient with me.

Tell me what I do that you appreciate.

Let me know what you don't understand.

Keep your agreements.

Share with me when you're upset so that I can understand your behavior.

Help me identify the problems and solve them with win-win solutions.

Communicate all your suggestions so that we can find better ways to reach our goals.

See the humor in our situations and they'll be easier to deal with.

Realize that you are an important part of the team.

Know that you're okay and good enough no matter what happens.

Thank you for hearing me. I appreciate you!Notice that there are some similar desires. We all want and need appreciation, clear, constructive communication, kindness, and patience. With these understandings, you have a better chance of enjoying your work, reducing yoru stress, and being more successful.