Work for Your Network so People Don’t Feel Worked

There is nothing worse than feeling that others have an agenda when they interact with you. Any warm feelings quickly dissipate while irritation grows.

This became clear to me on a vacation. We were at a beautiful resort in Thailand where the hotel has introduced a program to sell vacation timeshare weeks. On our first night there, my husband and I sat at the pool bar to have a drink and watch the sunset.

A lovely young local woman joined us and struck up a conversation. At first we were flattered by her warm hospitality as she welcomed us to the hotel but it was soon evident that she wasn’t interested in getting to know us – she wanted to sell us a vacation week. Once we found out that she had an agenda, we dropped the conversation. It was disappointing and we felt used.

There was a lesson in this experience though: never underestimate the value of establishing a good foundation to a relationship before you advance your cause. It’s an important and integral part of building an effective network.

Relationships are like bank accounts – the deposit has to be made and allowed to grow before you can make a withdrawal and still have something left.

In this world, we do business with those we know and like. Whether it is making a purchase, finding a different job or asking for a donation, we turn to those in our networks. And, people only want to help if they feel that you are genuine.

They need to feel like you are more interested in them than yourself. They will believe it if you help make them successful before you ask for something. Remember their birthday, send them articles of their interest, introduce them to others, or give them glowing recommendations. Laugh at their jokes and call them by name.

Ultimately, your network will work for you, just as long as you have worked for those in it. You don’t want others to feel like they are being worked.