Anxiety with Women: Why We Fear Approaching Women

Have you ever been to a club or a store, see a beautiful woman you’d like to meet, and feel an instant intense fear of approaching her? You’re not alone. Anxiety with women you’d like to meet is the most common problem I come across with clients. This anxiety with women is also known as approach anxiety. Approach anxiety comes in all shapes and forms. You may feel it as you drive to a club for a night out. You may even feel it at the thought of approaching a woman.

So, why do we have anxiety with women or approach anxiety? One of the mainstream theories out there of why we feel approach anxiety is because we have been hardwired through our evolution to feel fear as a life saving instinct from when we were running around as cavemen. I believe this theory is total B.S. and an excuse to cover up the real reason. The reason why you feel anxiety with women is because of your insecurities. When you don’t believe you deserve a beautiful woman or you care too much about a woman’s opinion of you, you are always going to feel fear. Have you ever noticed when you approach a friend or a stranger to ask for directions, you feel no fear? This is because you already know these people accept you or you expect to receive a positive reaction from them. Since approaching an unknown woman has a chance of a negative reaction, this activates all of your insecurities and fears.

One of the best ways to begin overcoming your anxiety with women is by constantly exposing yourself to the very thing you fear, which is approaching women. Each week, set a goal to approach a certain number of women. With each successful approach, your insecurities will slowly be disproven and your approach anxiety will be greatly reduced.

You should also work on overcoming your insecurities. Some example insecurities may be, “I’m not good looking enough for a quality woman”, “I don’t make enough money to deserve her”, or “I can’t think of things to say to women.” To get over your anxiety with women, you are going to have to deal with these insecurities and reduce their impact. One of the ways to do so is by disproving them. For example, you could say, “Isn’t it true that there are thousands of guys who are uglier than you and still get quality women?” or “Isn’t it true that by not having enough money, you will never attract gold diggers, and that’s a great thing?” Finally, you could say, “Isn’t it true that I have made women and friends enjoy my company because I was a good conversationalist?” These answers are all true and can reduce your anxiety with women.