Dating Relationship: The Power Play of Verbal Abuse

You still recall the first time you and your significant other argued. It wasn't really over anything important. You didn't think so then and you still don't.  That's not how the other person took it. It wasn't that they felt they had to win the argument but to win, it was necessary to humiliate you.  

You raised this point to them after things had cooled down but they dismissed it by saying it was no big deal (didn't seem that way at the time) or that you were wrong so they had to set you straight.

You let it go and figured it was just one of those things. Regrettably it was one of those things; one of those things that kept happening over and over again with alarming frequency and a lot more intensity. Every time you would point this out you got the same excuses mixed in with a lot of defensiveness.

They also added a new wrinkle into the equation. It's always your fault. They're so good at the power of manipulation and words that at times you believe them. The problem is as of late you've started to believe them more and more.

Empires have been built using words and psychological manipulation. Using them in a relationship which is depended on direct one on one contact can be a powerful and overwhelming force which can be difficult if not impossible to stand up to particularly when it becomes entrenched in the relationship.

It gets worse when you realize the other person knows you. Your likes and dislikes, dreams, hopes and fears are there for your significant other to examine like they were doing a case study.  Verbal abusers like to make you feel bad and knowing how you tick is a perfect way to accomplish it.

But relationships are not supposed to be about a CEO chewing out an employee. It's a give and take that demands both people respect each other. That means understanding that no one can be right about everything all the time. At given times in any dating relationship mistakes are going to be made and each of you will have to apologize for something at some point. 

If you have mentioned this to the other person and they still do not understand where you are coming from or refuse even do a little self assessment then you may want to give serious thought to the future of the relationship before another day goes by. 

If you like the person and want to continue than you better develop a thick skin and the ability to tune them out when they get ramped up. Yes time and you may be able to change them but how much are you willing to take before that happens?

Just remember know one deserves to constantly be belittled. You are not a project that needs improving, you are someone that brings an equal amount of good things to this or any relationship.  If they can't see that then quitting the "company" may not be such a bad idea.