Matt Fuller

For girls only – does playing hard to get work?

It's a contentious issue in dating land…should a girl play hard to get, or should she be the modern women and, so to speak, take the dating bull by the horns?

Some guys say they prefer the thrill of the chase. Others say a girl making the moves takes the pressure off. And still others see it differently again.

An article by Sara Reed on the getromantic.com website talks about some scientific research that went into the whole playing hard to get issue. And the results are quite interesting…

"In one research conclusion, several college men were recruited for what they were lead to believe was one of the free dating websites . Each man was handed the phone number of a woman and was asked call her then invite her out for a date. Unbeknown to the guys, this lady was secretly part of the research. For half the men she played "easy to get". She appeared glad to except the invitation for a date. For the rest of the men, she played "hard to get". She didn't appear over enthusiastic about going on a date with the man, but she did agree admitting she was also dating other guys."

The researchers, Shibley and Hyde, found that men had equally positive reactions to the female, whether she was playing it cold or hot. Reed points out that other research has backed this finding. This led to the question – why did men like the cold woman as much as the warm one? And the conclusion is interesting: men get an ego boost from being able to date a woman who's attracting lots of other men.

But there's a fine line to walk for women who want to play hard to get. If you're too inaccessible or unapproachable, he may give up all together – especially if he's on the shy side or suffered one too many rejections in the past.

Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, the authors of the best-selling The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right, seem to base their whole dating philosophy on the girl playing hard to get. One of their core rules, which as many women swear by as repudiate, is never to call a man first. “Trust in the natural order of things,” say the best-selling authors. “Namely, that man pursues woman.”

For girls that want to play the dating game by The Rules, listen to what these dating gurus say, there's good old-fashioned wisdom in their words. But for those who prefer to play without a rulebook, maybe it's a case of being able to adequately assess the male who you have your eye on and take it from there. Don’t play it by the rules, play it by ear…

Article Tags: Playing Hard

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