Dawn Carey

Getting Back Together: Why It Is So Difficult To Get Your Ex Back.

In modern society, knowledge is deemed vital.  You begin your education at a very early age. Your learning prepares you to face the many challenges that lay ahead. But if your love life takes a back foot and you find yourself alone, why is it so difficult to get your Ex back?

When it comes to relationships and understanding the opposite sex, it’s a wonder the human race has survived as long as it has. We have all heard that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.  Somehow we have managed to fumble our way through generation after generation and have survived the journey. But at what cost? Taking a look at the divorce rates does little to your hope of getting back together.

When we look at our roots, we can see why the sexes are so different.  The alpha male was out  spearing Mammoths (or wild animals at the least) to bring home the meat.  Suppressing his fear was paramount to his success, if the alternative was to “run away”.  His wife felt secure, knowing that he could protect and provide for his family, and she admired him for his masculinity. He was very satisfied in the relationship because he FELT like a man and his wife supported him.

The woman, on the other hand, spent her time managing the cavehold (is that even a word?) and ensuring that the needs of the children were met. To be effective in her role, she needed to be intuitive and loving, to be able to nurture and nourish. She needed to be in tune with their feelings and provide them with support and understanding. It was imperative that they grow up well balanced if they were to face the harsh world and survive. Her husband felt secure, knowing she supported him, and he could depend on her. She was very satisfied in the relationship, because she felt secure and was attracted to his confidence.

Looking at our history, when it comes to relationships, men need to “be a man”. They need to be the alpha male, admired for their masculinity. They need a woman who will be loyal to him only. He needs a woman he can depend on and who is consistent.  An insecure woman will bring out his insecurity, and she will find herself becoming his “ex girlfriend”.

A woman needs to feel secure in her relationship, financially and emotionally. She is attracted to a man’s confidence, and whether he is secure about who he is.  She wants someone who will step up and be her man in the relationship.  She likes him to “lead” when they are in a public place. A good man is someone who will protect and die for his woman. She also wants someone who aims to make her happy, even when she already IS happy. If a man gets lazy and stops “wooing” her, or if he is insecure or clingy, he will soon find himself being her “ex boyfriend”.

In today’s world of shared responsibilities and TV dinners, it is becoming increasingly difficult to just naturally fall into these roles. For the man, there may be some level of satisfaction in being able to put a diaper on that doesn’t “hang at the knees”, but to tackle that mountain of dishes just doesn’t have the same thrill as hunting wild boar. And while the woman may try to admire the man who  finally managed to assemble the Ikea bed 3 hours before she needed to get up the next day, it is not that easy.

In our modern society, we find ourselves faced with many couples who just can’t hold it together. They try to love each other , but invariably one of them will leave. And the other will be left feeling  as if their world has just collapsed. To learn how to maintain a healthy relationship should perhaps be taught in school, but would there be enough teachers to run the classes? If the “basic needs” of men and women could be woven into today’s society, perhaps there will be a lot less broken hearts. You can continue to love and be loved in your relationship, and totally avoid the pain associated with the need to get your ex back.

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