Daryl Campbell

Getting Over Your Ex: What Are You Afraid Of?

Some people have a gift for moving forward. Not in the sense of having a goal and being clearly focused to accomplish it. But moving forward as in getting over the things which happened previously that affect our lives in adverse ways. What's done is done they tell themselves and they take every action to ensure that philosophy. With the rest of us particularly when it comes to relationships? Not so much.

You've been successfully ducking calls for so long now you should write a book about it. If they do manage to contact you there is always an excuse handy. It's gotten so that if you are cornered you can come up with an alibi so sound in logic that not only do your people believe it but you also buy into it as well.

When they did manage to hook you up with a date, you always find enough reasons to not give it a second chance. You didn't like their looks, or the way they talked or anything else that you could find wrong with them. Since none of us are perfect it's the easiest thing in the world to find fault with anyone you may go out with.

That's all well and good. So now your friends have given up and you just could not be happier. Sure they meant well but who asked them? Certainly not you. Now you are free to sit in the silence of your lonely room and cry over your ex.

Why the apprehension about returning to the dating game? There may be any of a number of reasons at play:

 1. Not ready

You had a good thing going with your ex and in your mind the break up was not all that long ago. Your friends may feel like they are doing you a favor pushing you back into the dating arena but each of us moves at our own pace. Just because they think you should be ready does not mean you are. Hopefully they can learn to respect the fact that you move on your own timetable not theirs.

2. The Unknown

You were comfortable with your ex and now you have to meet someone new.  Fear of the unknown can be daunting for some people. You don't know what to expect. You may meet someone who at first glance seems idea. Only later on you realize it's not going to work. For you it's like a roll of the dice and you hate gambling.

3. The Search

You meet someone new and things fall apart. Then you have to start the process all over again. Just trying to find someone to share a relationship with can be a long, tedious and emotionally taxing process.

4. The Champ

You may have convinced yourself no amount of effort is worth it. Why? Because there was no one who could compare with your spouse. They were all of that and a bag of chips (may be two) and you are under no illusion that there is anyone remotely like them. In your opinion good or bad it's your ex or no one.

Okay there is no one like your ex but that does not mean that other people can not offer you something which is just as wonderful and exciting. Yes it's going to be different from what your ex provided with but that does not make it worse. Of course if you want to carry the torch, that is your right. But you will never know what possibilities exist for you until you open your heart and give them a try.

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