Matt Fuller

Golden Rules for Pursuing the Friend of an Ex

You're single, there's numerous options to meet new people such as online dating sites, Friday night bar hopping and parties yet you have your eye on what many deem as 'out of bounds' - the friend of an ex. It's a brash move going after a friend of somebody you've previously dated. Here's some advice on how to get the best out of this tricky situation.

1. Review the friendship and its mutual respect. Weigh up their friendship; likewise assess your friendship with your ex. Evaluate these friendships and whether they hold any real value. This is not to suggest that you break ties or make preliminary judgments, just know where those involved stand and what they stand to potentially lose - if anything.

2. Either give it 100% or do nothing at all. There's going to be nothing gained by giving it a relaxed and casual approach. "Try it out for a month or so, and if the ex is still furious, break it off". Sure thing. That sounds like a great plan although the damage has already been inflicted so you might as well give it your all.

3. Understand that asking for permission usually indicates your intentions. This applies to you as well as your ex's friend. Sometimes the fact that you would do something looks equally as immoral as the real evildoing in a friend's psyche. Do not ask for permission unless there is no doubt in your head that your ex partner is willing to say, "yep, okay."

4. Plan your moves. At the risk of sounding systematic when talking through your feelings regarding love etc, this is certainly complicated terrain you're delving into. Relationships columnist and free online dating guru, Diane Bishop puts it into perspective." It's like a chess game - always plan two moves in advance. If your ex is going to hurl down ultimatums, be prepared to shut this down and plan your response beforehand."

5. Do you have an ulterior motive? To cut to the chase, is your sub-conscious scheming the outcome regardless of the obstacles in the way? And if you are, is this because your feelings are simply too overwhelming or is it more about seeking out revenge on your ex? Figure out what's motivating you.

Talk it through with someone who's completely neutral, you'll be surprised how much it helps to get something off your chest. Friendships are perplexed, and genuine ones are few and far between. That's not to say you shouldn't pursue your heart, but big decisions like this dictate the direction of our lives, so just be careful.

Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com

ABOUT THE AUTHOR