There are not many things you'll experience in life as painful as your partner cheating on you. There are ways to deal with the pain of infidelity if ...
There are not many things you'll experience in life as painful as your partner cheating on you. There are ways to deal with the pain of infidelity if you choose to forgive it. Right now,
the pain you're feeling is probably overwhelming. While it may be that forgiving someone who's cheated on you makes no sense at all right now, such a course of action definitely has benefits for you. You might be doing this because your feelings for him are still strong, but an even more important reason is that you're doing it for yourself. Forgiving and healing is good not only for the cheater, but for you as well. Don't misunderstand - forgiving infidelity is something you can do only once in a relationship. If this is a pattern, or if he repeats his bad behavior, you've got to toss him to the curb. If he's really sincere about rebuilding the relationship, then try these five steps:
Healing Infidelity Tip #1
The first step is to discuss his cheating with him. However hard it may be on you, it's going to be very hard on him as well, because he's going to have to admit to weakness. However, you must have this talk with him because you need to learn why he cheated. Perhaps he thought that your feelings for him had cooled down, or maybe he just had a crisis of self-confidence. When he gives his account of his actions, don't be judgmental and accusing. If he's sincere, he feels bad enough now, and you probably can't say anything to him he hasn't said himself. This discussion is critical to healing the pain of infidelity because you'll be able to tell if he's really sincere.
Healing Infidelity Tip #2
The second step is to uncork your emotions. It's time like this that you feel all sorts of emotions and feelings churning away inside you. Let your emotions out, but make sure nobody's hurt in the process - especially you! Drugs and alcohol, for instance, are far more likely to harm you than let you deal with your emotions. There are healthy ways to express your pain. An excellent outlet is to write in a journal. Another approach is to adopt a regular workout routine. However, don't store those emotions inside you - in the long run, it will harm your mental health. Even crying is a good option - as long as you let go of them. You must be healed yourself if you're going to heal your relationship.
Healing Infidelity Tip #3
The third step may be the hardest, because the third step is to forgive. At this point, if you haven't really forgiven him, there's no point in being in a relationship with your boyfriend. Now's the time to let the past stay in the past. You've already said you want to forgive him - now's the time to live up to that determination. The strength to forgive him won't come from your mind, but from your heart.
Healing Infidelity Tip #4
The fourth step is to make an appointment with a counsellor or other mental health professional. You both need some professional-level help and support in your relationship. The only alternative is to talk to a trusted friend who's had first-hand experience in what you're going through. Of course, this will also require some hard work. Remember especially to keep an open mind and listen to what he has to say. You've already been all through the recriminations and accusations - now's the time to listen to each other. Really. The relationship won't be saved by either of you, or both of you, working alone. It can only be restored if you work together.
Healing Infidelity Tip #5
The fifth and final step is this: accept what's happened, put it behind you, and move on with your life. The kind of pain caused by infidelity can be massive. It takes time to heal with both of you working on it. Betrayal's pain doesn't get healed overnight, so don't expect that. It's generally take you longer to heal, since you were the one who was hurt. The healing will come faster, though, if you look forward instead of backward.
Few things approach the pain of infidelity. For the sake of your relationship, I hope that the steps here will help you overcome yours. No matter how hard we try, we all make mistakes. We decide if we're going to react badly to such bad experiences, or if we're going to learn and grow from them.
