How Break Up with Someone You Love

Your relationship has sizzled out. You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be an ex, but you don't know how to get them there. Here's how to break up nicely with your girlfriend or boyfriend without appearing mean.

Your relationship has sizzled out. You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be an ex, but you don't know how to get them there.

After all, you don't yourself to be a mean person. You don't purposefully hurt others. How do you break up nicely then with your girlfriend or boyfriend? There is one secret to break up with someone you like and don't want to hurt.

This piece of advice is a golden rule to live by and really explore. It's more a principle of living. Why are you afraid to break up with the person? Because you don't want to hurt their feelings? Perhaps you need their approval to move on?

Think about that for a bit. On the surface you may think the challenge in breaking up with someone comes from not wanting to hurt their feelings (which I respect you for). However, at a deeper level your difficulty in breaking up with someone comes from your need for their approval.

At a deep level you want them to say, "I understand. Let's break up." You need them to agree with you which creates the conflict in your decision to break up with the person.

If you did not need their approval, you would more easily break up with them. Sure, you may not think of yourself as a bad person who hurts others, but there's no reason to be in a relationship you hate. it's tough to break a distasteful relationship when you need your partner's approval to end it.

It's sad when a guy or girl stays in a relationship because he or she doesn't know how to break up with someone. They are miserable in the relationship yet need their partner's approval to end it.

You do yourself a disfavor by hanging onto a relationship you hate. You think about it all the time, your energy drains, and attractive dates go by because you're in a relationship or seen as an untrustworthy person cheating on someone you're suppose to love.

Also, realize you do the person a disfavor by keeping alive the illusion a relationship exists between the two of you. If you're uncommitted to an interpersonal relationship, the person will have unmet needs and desires. They will worry and freak out unnecessarily about the relationship when you've already decided on the inside that you want to break up with them.

Good communication involves asserting your desires for a win-win result even though it can be difficult. Once you learn this, breaking up with someone becomes easier. It may not be nice, but you can then sit down in private (to respect your soon-to-be ex), calmly communicate your decision, and stay firm if that's what you want. The person may create drama, but that's just them in shock trying to get their needs met.

Now that you have broken up nicely with someone, you're then ready to learn how to get over your break up and discover other interpersonal relationship skills to build the future relationship you desire.

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