A few months ago, I read Greg Behrendt's book on breakups, It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken. I am a huge fan of He's Just Not That Into You, and I expected great things from the sequel.
You KNOW what you want from your man.
But he's let you down so many times that it's hard to believe he'll EVER change
Fortunately,
I've discovered three simple steps that will give you the confidence to start getting what you want from your man.
Surprisingly, this actually makes you MORE attractive to him in the process!
Step #1: Escape Negative Patterns
Our lives are spent developing patterns of behavior. Some are positive patterns that empower us. Others are negative patterns that hurt us.
The problem with negative patterns is, we get used to them. We don't notice them. And even worse, they often get reinforced by other people in our lives.
For instance, I once worked with a woman named Anne-Marie, who was raised in a deeply religious family. In her family, "divorce" was an absolutely forbidden subject.
Anne-Marie's marriage was in a state of crisis, but there was no way Anne-Marie could even utter the word "divorce" without her family raining down criticism on her. She felt judged, shamed, and alone.
Now, just because Anne-Marie might think of leaving her husband, that didn't mean she would actually do it.
But it was important that she have the confidence of knowing she could walk away if she wanted to.
That's the only way she would ever be able to let her husband know she wasn't going to tolerate his negative behavior patterns any more. The only way she could regain power over her relationship.
The only way she could fix things.
You need that same kind of confidence, so you can eliminate negative patterns from your relationship.
It's not about you "quitting" the relationship; it's about you feeling EMPOWERED to make decisions for yourself...
...decisions that can remove negative behavior from your life -- both your own negative behavior patterns, and his, too.
Step #2: Build Your "Family Of Choice"
To build a strong relationship, you need a strong sense of self, a "steely inner core".
As we saw with Anne-Marie's story, you may have a hard time saying what you want and going for it because you're being influenced by those around you.
This is when I recommend you consider developing a "family of choice", which means you surround yourself with people who actually HELP you to be your strongest self.
They allow you the freedom to make choices that right for YOU.
Step #3: Balance Your Thoughts and Emotions
You may have heard the advice "all things in moderation". This advice applies to emotions, too.
We all have negative thoughts and emotions. The goal is not to eliminate them completely from our lives; the goal is to learn to control your response to them.
This way you can break free from the patterns that hold you back from getting what you want. This takes time and practice.
Right now, you and your man are locked in the "Dance of Dysfunction". That tends to throw you both off balance.
But if you can get out of that cycle, and balance your own thoughts and emotions, you will suddenly discover your "best self".
Believe me, your man will notice the difference.
A strong, confident you is sexy-and it can act like a magnet on him.
Whatever the outcome of your new efforts, you at least know that you are stepping out into the world a stronger, more self-assured and self-confident you, and that alone is worth the effort.
