Inner Game: What is it? Part 1

When I sat down to write this article for my good friend and dating coach Dan Silverman, the first question I asked myself is, "What exactly is inner game?" Oh, sure, I've seen the term thrown around enough and I'm sure many people reading this have as well. But by definition, what is inner game exactly? It bothered me that I couldn't answer this question so readily. A wiki search and a dictionary.com search both proved pretty useless. So after a day or so of meditation, the best definition I can give is this: your inner game is your emotional state as it stems from your perceptions of yourself and the world around you.

The best example I can give is that of a professional daredevil. Let's say that this daredevil needs to jump a long school bus on a dirt bike. This daredevil has all the training, knowledge, and experience he needs. He has plenty of experience in stunt jumping. He is perfectly capable of physically jumping the bus, except he has weak inner game. If in his own mind he doesn't think he can jump the bus, then can he?

If he can do it but doesn't think he can do it, can he do it? If he tries to jump that bus with that uncertainty clouding his mind, might it not throw him off and cause him to fail even though he is perfectly capable of doing it? In fact, if he fails, wouldn't he then perceive that failure as further affirmation of his doubts, even if those doubts are wrong, and further weaken his inner game?

When a guy goes to approach a woman, it is exactly the same idea. If he's perfectly capable of attracting the girl with his wit, charm, and personality but is too busy in his own headspace, doubting himself, and listening to his fears, what will the outcome be? 95% of the time if his self doubt is strong enough, his inner game will come through in his words and actions.

She will sense his fear and she will think he's up to something that should be feared. She won't see through his fear and notice that he's just simply attracted to her. His fear becomes her fear. And all of a sudden, he is "that creepy guy." The other 5% of the time, she is more than likely as emotionally unhealthy as he is. A guy’s collective failures over the course of his lifetime often compound and create strong perceptions against his own abilities that may or may not even be true, and he is completely unaware of it. This can be the state of your inner game if you do not work to fix it.

Most fears are perfectly normal and most men suffer inner game problems from them every single time they attempt to approach an attractive woman. The vague advice you've received most of your life from your friends and your parents is "just be confident" or "just be yourself and you'll do fine." But let me ask you this. How can you be confident or "yourself" when you have a gun pointed to your head? The approach anxiety can be the emotional equivalent of the thought of approaching a woman.

Approach anxiety is like having a gun pointed to your head. It can be intensely scary. You don't have time to stop, think, and act confidently. Your fear kicks in and your mind’s fight-or-flight mechanism takes over. The last thing you are, at that point, is yourself. Stay tuned for Inner Game: What is it? Part 2.

If you're ready to begin to develop a healthy inner game, I highly recommend you check out Dan Silverman’s new e-book, The Seven Steps to Inner Game Power.

Yours in Revolution,