We all talk (some ARE all talk!) but learning to communicate is a very different thing! Communication means creating connection and rapport leading to attraction. Dennis answers a reader's question about the differences and how to use them effectively.
Hey Dennis,
I need some help on communication. I have trouble with communication. For some reason I am just not effective at communicating; especially with women. I really just don't know how to communicate effectively. I've heard that the key to communication is to listen, ask questions about the other person when communicating, and to make eye contact. Is this the key? How do I become a professional at communication?=================Hello!
There are two separate issues with communications. The first is simply to connect with someone else on a basic level. You're more or less on the right path, but I'll give you some better ideas how to make that work in a minute.
The second aspect is to directly and specifically create rapport and connection which leads to attraction. Let's look at the differences.
When you meet someone new that you're not interested in romantically, (maybe a friend or coworker for example), using the first type of communication is fine. You find out about that person and share aspects of yourself. This is what most people do with communication.
Many people think that communication of this type is talking. Nothing could be further from the truth! In fact, it is listening, but listening with intelligence behind it. You can learn to ask "open-ended questions" (see my FAQ's at my website: http://beingaman.com/, then click on "self help") that give the other person a chance to talk about their favorite subject - themselves. Eventually they walk away thinking what a great communicator YOU are because they just couldn't stop talking - about themselves! See how this works?
The problem with this is that you're not building rapport or real connection or (especially) attraction. Thus, it's not enough when you're talking to women.
This is where the second type of communication comes into play. This is a thing I call "power communication". It's about using communication in very specific ways with very specific goals.
In my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" I go into 4 different communication "models" or "CM's". CMs are used to build quick attraction in someone you've either just met or have known for a while. Here are the four CM's I teach:
1) Male vrs. Female Model2) Motivation Model3) Neuro-Linguistic Programming Model (NLP)4) Sexuality/Suggestibility Model
When you either match or counter a person's specific CM, (or 2, 3 or all 4 of them) you build incredible connection with that person. They begin to see you just as they see themselves. You become a "kindred spirit" which brings you close to them. They feel trust, comfort and deep connection.
As you get closer, they also begin to feel affection for you; just as they do for themselves! I can't tell you how often I'll meet a new girl, determine and match her CM's and have her say, "You know, I feel like I've known you all my life!" Interestingly, she has! She's looking in a mirror!
You can see how powerful this sort of communication skill can be! You can use it with anyone by the way - not just with a girl you've just met. We are all pre-wired with facilities that make it possible for us to interact within our societies. Much of that interaction is about connecting with others and especially building bonds with others - particularly those of the opposite sex. That's how humans have stayed around on this planet!
We've evolved these systems specifically for this purpose. I strongly encourage you to learn these systems really well and to use them to your advantage. They are extremely powerful things!
Best regards...------------------------------------------------------------------Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to me by going to: http://beingaman.com/ask_question.asp for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's Worldtm" (volumes I and II), and other products visit: http://www.beingaman.com/. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman. Stay tuned for our new Internet TV Show – BAM TV – starting soon!
Copyright (c) 2008, Dr. Dennis W. NederAll rights reserved.
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