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Many, Many Mixed Signals

Girl meets boy. Girl plays boy. Girl gets exactly what she asks for - not at all what she wants. Girl is sad and confused. Doc helps girl to understand.

Hi, I first met this guy through mutual friends about 2 months ago. The second time we all hung out during 4th of July in which case, he instantly showed me interest and invited me to another party. We flirted heavily and had a good time until 4 am. When we parted he invited me to hang out with him the next night however I declined because I didn't want to make myself too available and I didn't offer my number.

After a week I couldn't stop thinking about him so I got his number from a mutual friend and asked him out. He didn't answer so I left a message and he text me back the next morning saying he's busy with work functions but maybe we can hang out this weekend, that he would call me. He never called me.

I then ran into him a couple weeks later, he was very friendly and invited me to hang out with him and our friends who were having a brunch cocktail party on a Sat. Again, I didn't want to make myself too available so I left it at a maybe. I showed up, we flirted, made eye contact and after a couple drinks we were dancing and all over each other. We then parted from our social circle and he took me out to dinner. During dinner I made a false comment that I wasn't looking for a serious relationship and I just wanted to be casual and free. Afterwards he invited me to come back to his place, which case I did and we were intimate. The next morning, it wasn't too awkward however when we parted I was really nervous I just said a good bye with a hug and he just said I'll talk to you later.

He never called me afterwards. I text him 4 days later that I had a great time and it would be nice to see him again soon and asked him what his plans were that weekend. He text me right back and said he had fun too, but he had a friend visiting from out of town and he would call me soon for sure. I ran into him that weekend and he did indeed have a visitor and he acted pretty normal but neither of us said anything about getting together. He still hasn't called me now.

This whole time he has not called me on his own, although he responds right away when I contact him but doesn't set a date. Maybe he's not that into me or he's not emotionally available? He told me he has been single for 2 years from a serious 3 1/2 year relationship with a bad breakup. There's been some miscommunication between us, but for the most part if a guy is interested he would make the effort to call and set a date with a girl right? Should I just drop it and let it go?


Hey! Great job on becoming the booty-call! If that was your goal, you played it just right. Good going!

Oh, wait. What's that you're saying? You didn't want to be the booty-call, you wanted more? Oh, sorry. That's too bad. Game over.

Where in the hell did you learn all this ridiculous misdirection from? Do you honestly think that lying about your interests, saying "no" when you mean "yes", not being available when he wants to meet you is anything other than stupidity?

Well, obviously not. You seem to think this is good "relationship building". You, my dear are sadly, sadly mistaken.

You're actually blaming HIM for not being "emotionally available" and "not that into you"??? Are you seriously telling me that you don't know that YOU are the sole and exclusive cause of his behavior toward you???? I'm sitting here just shaking my head in disbelief.

He DID make the efforts and you ignored them for your game instead.

You got EXACTLY what you asked for. I just wish you had asked instead for what you really wanted.

Best regards...
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Copyright (c) 2008Psychology Articles, Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. Having written 3 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series) and is working on others, hundreds of articles, been on hundreds of radio and TV shows, he is funny, direct and intuitive.

Do you have a burning question that needs an answer? Are you a man that wants to better experiences with women, or a woman that wants to better understand men? To learn more, go to and

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