Roving Eyes and Heartache

Amy's husband, Stephen, keeps ogling beautiful women at parties. It annoys Amy as she thinks that his behaviour is not gentlemanly. She feels embarrassed when she wonders what impression the ogled women will have of him. But Any also knows that Stephen is a very loving husband and she has full confidence in him.

Ramola is a pretty woman but her husband, Tony, a non-smoker, keeps looking at women who smoke, even if they are ordinary-looking. He ogles them with intense fascination as if mesmerised by them. His roving eyes keep following them throughout the evening, although he never flirts with them.

But Ramola feels hurt. It was after a long time when he confided to Ramola that he liked women who smoked. He then produced a cigarette packet and asked her to smoke. Ramola did not agree but, just to please him, put a cigarette between her lips. The lovemaking which followed that was intense.

Michael is a big flirt and will not mind having a change of taste by cheating on his lovely and devoted wife, Meryl, if the opportunity presents itself. He not only ogles women from a distance, but also tries to find out if any of them is approachable. He hangs around women ignoring and hurting Meryl.

When unaccompanied by his wife, his roving eyes help him to locate vulnerable and willing women for fun and he does not miss chances of one-night stands. Roving eyes can cause a lot of heartache for the spouse of the ogled. Women always remain under the mortal fear of their men drifting to another woman temporarily or permanently.

In many cases, the woman ogled may not be aware of the silly actions of the ogler. Even if she notices him, she may just ignore him, despising him as lewd, uncultured and foolish. Bachelors are always on the lookout for a perfect partner or someone to have fun with. Many of them do not want to make any commitment to anyone and want to remain free.

They then stare at susceptible women and use gestures, appreciation and sweet talks to give them a hint of their liking for them. But once they succeed in their mission of being intimate with the women, the chase stops and they move on to someone else.

Likely reasons for a husband having a roving eye

1) Other women look more attractive and sexy than his wife is to him.

2) Inability to withstand the temptation and thrill of gazing at women who appeal to his imagination, whom he can fantasise about.

3) The dream of getting closer to the object of his liking and enjoying a rollicking affair if things work out.

Suppressed or apparent anger towards his wife.

What you should do if your husband has a roving eye

Look at yourself. Have you started taking your partner for granted? If you have, try to look sexier and more attractive. Try and rekindle the romance in your married life. Dress well. Try to look pretty. Give exclusive time to your partner. Speak softly and in a loving manner. Don't nag. Remain caring and sharing to tie him closer to you. Keep him company whenever possible...

If he ogles a particular kind of women, take note of this kind and try to emulate her good points. Even you feel hurt when he ogles other women, remember that confronting him will not carry you far. Instead, just laugh, tease him or ignore his behaviour. You can show your annoyance in a subtle way without being rude, getting agitated or making a scene. It is best to talk the matter over at home in a relaxed atmosphere without passing caustic remarks or having tears in your eyes.

Advice for men who cannot stop ogling

Be rational and ask yourself what you are searching for in other women. Is it something which your partner does not have? If you have some special fetish, ask your partner whether she will meet those needs of yours.

Draw up a list of all the qualities your wife has; all the good qualities which helped you to live through all these years. Then think about why you want to act silly now jeopardise your family life.

Think hard and reason out the points for and against your actions. Your actions may bring shame to you and lower your esteem in the eyes of the woman who had a good opinion about you all this time. See, what are you gaining and what you will lose. Most certainly, you will make your wife unhappy and your family life will be disrupted.

If you really love your wife and children, you will never invite trouble for them with your unscrupulous behaviour.

Some people are so egoistic that they cannot withstand any criticism at home and the moment it happens, they start looking for solace in someone else's arms. Are you this sort of person?

Husbands should remember not to let the romance diminish in their own married lives. They should do the small things which make life interesting and romantic. It is the small things in life, which keep the fire burning. Be vocal and demonstrative with your wife.

THE PERILS

Beware of the perils which ogling other women may bring on you. What will be the plight of an ogler if his wife starts to ogle other men, flirts with them or actually gets into an illicit relationship with one or many as revenge on him?

If your husband is an ogler why don't you as a wife ogle him and encourage him to ogle you in return, both at home and outside. Whenever possible, express your love through your eyes. Wink at him discreetly, send a flying kiss and throw him bewitching smiles.

Actually, your partner's roving eye may be a good sign. What do you lose, in fact, if he builds up his appetite by ogling, but eats a hearty meal at home later? The ogling may just increase his libido and desire. However, the pitfall is that he may physically drift towards the other woman and develop a new relationship at your cost.

So take care, but do so wisely.