Why are women canceling dates at the last minute, forgetting them, etc.? Are women really this flaky or is there something else that motivates them? More important, how does a poor guy deal with all of this?
Hey Doc!I've noticed a trend in my dating life that is really starting to piss me off. It's rare for me to make plans with a girl and to not have her try to cancel on me or suddenly be "too busy" to keep our date. I'm so tired of games like that. Are they trying to see how much I want them or how much bullshit I’ll put up with?=============Hello!Yes, I've been seeing more and more of this over the last few years too. You're not alone, trust me.Many women are doing this these days. It's a weird combination of being flaky, inconsiderate and trying to up their own value in your eyes. It comes directly from insecurity, but regardless, it's incredibly rude, and these girls actually think that by doing this, you're going to have an emotional reaction and will start to actually think of them, thus creating greater value for them in your eyes.I know, I know, that's just fucking stupid, but believe me, not only do I see this all over the place, but in fact, I actually see so called "experts" actually TELLING girls to do this! No shit! They also tell girls not to answer the phone when you call and to not return phone calls, etc.! Un-fucking-believable!There are some great ways to counter this by the way, but first off, remember that if some idiot wants to play these games with you before you've even kicked anything off, what is she going to be like if and when you actually DO establish a relationship?The fact is, if you fall for these games you'll also lose value in HER eyes! No woman really wants a guy that will put up with this crap. This is a weak, no-skill guy and one of the reasons why these women are pulling these games in the first place is to weed-out the guys that will keep chasing them (they only serve to give the girls a much-needed ego boost) from the guys that won't put up with this shit, (the guys she REALLY wants to be with.)So, you want to be the guy that won't put up with it. The question then, is how do you do that without coming off like a total loser?There are a number of things you need to do:First, be much better at setting the dates in the first place. When you set a date be absolutely clear on when, where, etc., and make sure she writes it down - don't let her pull the old, "Oh, I'll remember crap", only to have her claim she forgot later on.Many girls will say, "Oh, call me the day before to confirm." Dumb guys say, "Ok" and then, when they call, the girl doesn't answer. Instead say, "Huh? No, we're setting the date right now. Write it down. If you don't know how to use a calendar, you're never going to figure out how to work me! I don't have to time to confirm things twice."Even if she does answer when a guy calls to confirm, this just gives her a chance to pull some stupid shit on you again and blow you off. "Oh! I can't make it tomorrow, my girlfriend from New York is in town unexpectedly and I have this emergency with my cat and ..." Yeah, right. None of this is true! Don't put up with it.The second thing is when you set the date say, "Now, let's get this out in the open. You're not one of those dumb girls that tries to cancel a date an hour beforehand are you? Because you need to know that I'm busy and I need AT LEAST 24 hour’s cancellation notice of any 'emergencies'. Do you expect some 'emergency' to come up? If so, tell me now and we'll cancel right now."This is going to prevent her from canceling on you at the last minute.Another game women play is to just not show up. When you're waiting for them for 20 minutes and she's not there without a call (and you need to make sure she has and writes down your cell number too!) she's not going to pick-up when you call her.The best way to handle this is to call her and leave the following message:"Hello [dumb girl's name], this is [your name]. You know we had a date today at 8 [or whenever] and you've obviously flaked on me without even bothering to call. That's extremely rude and has just taken you off my list as I know any normal [yes, use that word] girl would have called if there was a problem. If you're still planning on showing up late, please don't. I'm calling another girl I want to get to know instead. You can call me tomorrow to explain. My number is..."Wow! Talk about a kick in the chops! *IF* she calls you the next day, be ready for all the excuses in the world. Don't accept any of them. If you do, you look like a chump and will have ended your chances. If you don't put up with it, you'll have just told her that you're someone of value. If she apologizes and is genuinely remorseful, then give her ONE MORE chance. This next time, tell her that you're not going to go somewhere and wait around to see if she shows. She's obviously not trustworthy. The only way you'll go out with her again is to pick her up at her house - and only then, based on her telling you how she's going to make this insult up to you.Don't put up with this shit from women. If you want to know much more about setting dates, making sure she shows, how to deal even more directly with all of this, check out my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" on my website.Best regards...------------------------------------------------------------------Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to me by going to: http://beingaman.com/ask_question.asp for answers. For more information about my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's Worldtm" (volumes I and II), and other products visit: www.beingaman.com. Check out the discussion group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman and check out the new BAM! TV at http://beingaman.tvCopyright (c) 2008, Dr. Dennis W. NederAll rights reserved.
Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. Having written 3 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series) and is working on others, hundreds of articles, been on hundreds of radio and TV shows, he is funny, direct and intuitive.Do you have a burning question that needs an answer? Are you a man that wants to better experiences with women, or a woman that wants to better understand men? To learn more, go to http://beingaman.com and http://beingaman.tv.