Divorce can be an extremely difficult time for children and, when contemplating a divorce, care is needed to ensure that any detrimental affect on the children is kept to a minimum. Here we look at five tips for parents who are preparing for divorce.
Divorce should never be taken lightly and this is especially true when children are involved. Couples should always try to exhaust every possible avenue when contemplating divorce and should only make the decision to separate when it is clear that their differences cannot be resolved and that they cannot find a way to continue living together.
One important point here is that the children should not be brought into the equation at this point. While divorce will clearly have an affect on the children, and steps must be taken to address this, it is rarely sensible to stay together simply because of the children. Children will invariably be far happier growing up with two parents who have separated and made sound provision for the care and upbringing of the children than with two parents who are continuing to live unhappily under the same roof for the sake of the children.
So, having decided that divorce is the only solution, here are five tips to ensure that your children do not suffer any more than is absolutely necessary.
Tip 1. Put the needs of your children above everything else.
The fact that you are throwing off your responsibility towards your spouse does not mean that you can also throw off your responsibility for your children. Your spouse may no longer be your spouse, but you children will always be your children.
When making your plans for the future think very carefully about the needs of your children and what is in their best interest. This then needs to become your own best interest. This is not something that is always easy to do and will often mean that you have to take a good hard look in the mirror and consider carefully whether the plans that you are making for yourself are also the best possible plans for your children.
Your children need to not simple feel but to know that they are of the utmost importance to you and that you are going to take care of them.
Tip 2. Don't be afraid to talk to your children about your divorce.
While you should be careful not to draw your children into the problems that you have with your spouse, or to do anything to undermine your spouse, it is important that your children understand, at least as far as their age and experience will allow, just why you feel that it is necessary to divorce.
Children have very vivid imaginations and if they find themselves with gaps in their picture of what is happening they will fill those gaps from their imagination. In doing so however they will often paint themselves into the picture as the villain of the piece and blame themselves for what is happening.
Tip 3. View your divorce as the start of a new relationship.
Although you are your partner will no longer be living together as husband and wife you will still need to see a great deal of each other and work closely together in looking after your children. For this reason it is vital that you establish a relationship that allows you to do this and which is seen by the children as a loving and supportive relationship.
Although it may not be easy to do so, it is vital that you resolve your differences (or agree to put them to one side) and deal with any emotional issues so that you can sit down and talk through a parenting plan with which you both feel comfortable.
Tip 4. Agree to monitor your parenting plan.
Having agreed upon a parenting plan, it is also important to sit down at regular intervals and review the plan as the children grow older and circumstances change. In particular, you will need to make joint decisions with regard to bringing up your children and provide your children with a consistent approach which does not allow them the opportunity to come between you and manipulate the situation, playing one parent off against the other.
Tip 5. Provide you children with two homes which they can enjoy equally.
It is important that your children grow up feeling loved and appreciated by both parents and should not find themselves in a situation where they feel more comfortable with one parent rather than the other.
Make room in each home for the children with their own toys and space and create an environment is which they can be with either parent and feel equally at home.
These of course are only a few of the many things that you need to consider when it comes to caring for your children through a divorce. Nevertheless, if you follow these tips you will be well on the way to providing your children with the environment they need to cope with the problems of divorce.
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