Embarking on a journey of self-discovery can be a transformative experience, especially when it involves overcoming the shadows of a troubled upbringing. This narrative is not uncommon, as many individuals have navigated through life's challenges by confronting their past, understanding their identity, and reshaping their approach to parenting. This article delves into the story of someone who emerged from a family that sought refuge in avoidance and co-dependency, to become a beacon of proactive parenting and spiritual guidance.
Raised in an environment where alcohol and co-dependency were preferred over facing the stark realities of life, I learned to adapt. I became the "Chameleon Girl," constantly altering myself to match the moods and expectations of those around me. This survival mechanism, while effective in the short term, left me with a profound yearning to discover my true self and purpose.
The quest for self-identity led me to dream of becoming a priest, a role I admired for its dedication to serving others. However, as a woman, this path was not open to me, leaving me feeling lost and without direction. Determined to find a way to serve, I pursued a degree in social work and married my college sweetheart. Together, we brought four wonderful children into the world.
Working part-time with families in crisis, I encountered the exhausting and often thankless task of navigating through the complex web of familial dysfunction. It became clear that the issues plaguing these families were deeply rooted in their self-perception and the dynamics they fostered among themselves.
My experiences as a child, a social worker, and a mother led to my disillusionment with the STEP parenting technique. STEP, while beneficial in some aspects, fell short in addressing the cyclical patterns of destructive behavior within families. It focused too much on the child and not enough on the parent. Parenting is an intense, profound relationship, and I realized that to be an effective parent, one must first fully understand oneself.
A proactive parent recognizes that parenting is a relational activity governed by the same principles that apply to other relationships, with the added responsibility of leadership. Such a parent is aware that children absorb and reflect their parents' behaviors and emotions. To excel in this role, a proactive parent strives for self-awareness and personal growth.
Many problems in parenting have a spiritual dimension, often stemming from feelings of worthlessness. Women, in particular, may feel that spirituality is not their domain or that their childhood experiences have left them feeling undeserving. Through my own journey of self-understanding, I entered into formation for spiritual direction and established a ministry dedicated to supporting mothers.
After a long hiatus, I have returned to writing, a passion I had set aside for various reasons. Through journaling, I am reconnecting with my inner voice and continuing my exploration of life.
Life, I have learned, is what you make of it. There are rules to this game, and by becoming a student of life, I am committed to living it to the fullest. My journey has taught me the importance of self-discovery, the power of proactive parenting, and the value of spiritual guidance in leading a fulfilling life.
Interesting statistics that are often overlooked include the fact that according to the Pew Research Center, women are increasingly taking on leadership roles in religious communities, challenging traditional gender roles in spirituality. Additionally, the American Psychological Association has found that proactive parenting styles are linked to better psychological well-being in children, emphasizing the importance of parental self-awareness in child development.
