Domestic Violence Divorce - Lost Mothers, Lied to Children and the Legal Abuse Syndrome
Far too often when you leave an abusive relationship, you go from the frying pan of family violence to the fire of legal domestic abuse...and don't understand what's going on until the damage is done. Read on to learn what you must know if you are in, or approaching, divorce court with an abuser.
"Where is your Mom?" asked a little boy to another. The little boy replied, "I don't know." From his point of view, she was lost. She was gone. She left him. She abandoned him. ...And the conclusions go on and on, each one with more and more potential to fracture a young psyche. Eventually, it can.
That's what you can expect when you have children with an abuser. Many people think that when they reach a point where they can no longer live with the abuser, they will just get a divorce and the system will protect them and their children. Not necessarily so! That's a drastic assumption.
Hard and Cold Reality of Domestic Violence
Common sense would suggest that the "protective"agentsthose serving in the interest of children during divorcewould insure their placement in the hands of the protective parent. However, what actually is more common is for you to face threats and/or the fact of your abused children being placed in the hands of the abusive parent.
Well how can that be you may wonder. Here's the real common sense. You see when a battered spouse and/or protective parent becomes vocal about abuse in the family, the abusing party will do what? Defend, attack, you know how that goes. Your best defense is a good offense.
When the evidence is glaring, the system may even acknowledge that the abuser is an "abuser" by giving the person a legal finding of abuse and judicial remedies to the abused, like orders of protection. You think now you and your children are safe. Again, not necessarily so.
From the Frying Pan to the Fire of Family Violence
Your troubles aren't over. When there are financial resources available to the battering litigant, then many hungry sharks can be fed by the batterers counter expedition, also known as a defense. And the more shark-like they are, the more skilled at getting the abusive party to empty their pockets.
With all this change, often the entire family estate, legal ploys can fill your skies for years until you are consumed by a litany of meaningless paper chase, only to chase you into your own demise. Some women continue until they are confined psychiatric vegetables or locked-up felons. Others take their sanity and criminal-free record and they leave moments before the ultimate crash, that is before they are institutionalized or jailed. In either case, the children are left to wonder where is Mommy?
We see women all over the United States and Canada with the same story. Unfortunately for them, they learned this truth when it was too late. You don't have to be one of them. You can know this trend today and you can avoid the living nightmare that befalls battered woman and abused children when they seek safety through divorce court.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
For more information about domestic violence and child custody, visit http://www.DomesticViolenceDivorce.com before the abuse spirals out of control. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., founding director of Partners in Prevention, helps people recognize, end and heal from family violence and the legal abuse syndrome. © 2008 Jeanne King, Ph.D.