How to Grieve a Tragedy

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How to Grieve a Tragedy

By Stephen Bucaro

Bad things happen to good people. Have you lost your job
or are facing bankruptcy? Has a cherished relationship
ended or you have gone through a divorce? Maybe you
received diagnosis of a serious health problem. Or maybe
you are mourning the loss of a loved one. Unfortunately,
these painful events are part of life.

If you have to endure such a tragedy, maybe you can find
solace in your friends and in your faith. There is no way
to completely avoid the pain of a tragic event, but I
offer you a way to work through the pain. If a friend or
loved one is grieving, you can pass this message on to them.

Your should deal with the grief in three phases. You
should carry on each phase for exactly 21 days before
moving on to the next phase. Why 21 days? Because studies
have shown that if an individual does the same thing for
21 consecutive days, it becomes a habit. That is the amount
of time required to make a permanent life change.

Phase 1: Don't think about the event that is causing your
grief. You may be forced to think about it in some way in
order to take care of business related to the event. But
otherwise don't think about it for the first 21 days. If
the event comes to mind, think to yourself "I don't want
to think about this right now", and dismiss the thought
from your mind.

Every time the tragic event enters your mind, think
"I don't want to think about this right now", and force
yourself to think about something else. Usually friends
and family will not be a problem because they will avoid
bringing up the subject. For the first 21 days, keep
pushing thoughts of the event out of your mind.

Eventually you will need to mourn, it's unavoidable. In
Phase 2, you should think of nothing but the tragic event.
How can this help? Even though you forcefully prevented
the event from entering your conscious thoughts for the
first 21 days, your subconscious mind was grieving. Now you
need to deal with it on a conscious level.

You will be able to grieve with less pain now because your
subconscious mind has already dealt with it. You can't put
the tragedy behind you unless you deal with it on a
conscious level. For the next 21 days, force yourself to
focus on the tragic event.

If the tragedy is a broken relationship, think about the
life you could have had if things worked out the way you
dreamed. If the tragedy is the death of a loved one, think
about the moments of your lives together. Focus entirely
on how much that individual meant to you.

Phase 3: It's time to move forward. For the next 21 days,
think only of your future life and changes you will need
to make. Plan your new life. What changes do you need to
make to carry on under your new circumstances?

Unfortunately, painful events are part of life. Bad things
happen, but life moves on. My plan doesn't let you totally
avoid the grief of a tragedy, and not letting yourself
grieve would not be healthy anyway. I promise you, no
matter what the loss, in the end, the human spirit will
always survive.

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