How to Use Communication with Children Secrets
Communication With Children Secrets is a method of communicating with Children and was based on NVC - non violent communication also known as compassionate communication.
"Communication With Children Secrets," which is based on nonviolent communication, (also known as compassionate communication) is a method of communicating with children that emphasizes listening and empathy in our interactions with others. Its use is simple and can transform forever the way that you interact with your child. Temper tantrums, fights and stress stop and children do things from a place of compassion. You will have fun and a deep connection with your child that ultimately will trust you and come to you for help and advice as the years go by, even as a teenager!.
Here's how to get started:
STEP 1: Observe Clearly: Although it can be difficult in the midst of a struggle with your child, it is important to observe clearly the situation at hand. Look calmly at what you are reacting to without judgment.
STEP 2: Empathy:
Find out what you and your child need in the moment. But start with you...
A. Self Empathy - Your immediate and overall need.
Are you overwhelmed? Do you need ease? Once you have done that, you can breath a little and go deeper...remind yourself of your underlying need to have a deep connection with your child, of the overall long term goals.
B. Empathy for your child:
After quickly giving yourself some much needed TLC, you can open your eyes to get to the heart of the situation. Is your child tired? Hungry? Need to play? Need to know that his or her needs matter? Try to get an understanding of how your child is feeling and, at the same time, take responsibility for your own emotions. Realize that your child did not "make you mad," but that anger is what you have chosen to feel at the moment.
Ask your child about what he or she is feeling and needing. "Are you sad that grandma has to leave so soon?" "Do you still want to play with the toy?"
Keep asking until you get the "sigh" response...the aha! The process of you even asking your child what's "alive" in their lives in the moment...builds trust...in the moment...that you actually care about that...it seems like nothing...but its HUGE! It takes the wind out of the sails of the emotional situation.
When you and your child feel understood, negative feelings melt away. Think of how it feels when someone just gets where you're coming from...the same is true for your children. What do you and your child need? Do you need your child to cooperate, so that the two of you can complete a task? Does your child need some extra "down time" after school before starting her chores? By learning to connect with your child about the needs behind the feelings, you can prevent an emotional situation from escalating.
Step Three. Specific Request:
Request what you need from your child. Using a gentle voice, make your request, with the understanding that they have the right to say no. "Would you agree to start picking up your toys from the living room in five minutes, so that I can enjoy a clean space?" "Would you be willing now to brainstorm ideas of how we can both get what we need? By giving your child a choice rather than making demands, you encourage cooperation and build trust.
By using empathy and honesty, you gain understanding of your child and you'll be better able to meet your child's needs. You'll also teach your child that he is in an environment where it's safe to express his feelings, and you'll be in a better position to teach cooperative behavior and your kids will actually do things from a place of true compassion, not out of fear or guilt. This form of communication is a skill your children can take into their relationships for the rest of their lives.
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