It's Tough to be a Parent

If you are a mum or a dad, I hope this will help you! First I want to tell you that you are always doing your best with your kids. Unfortunately - and that's one of the main reasons why you are reading this today, education missed out on one big topic: nobody ever taught you to be a parent. You have to make it up as you go along and that's so hard. In my career as a teacher, I can honestly say that the vast majority of parents I met always really had their kids' best interest at heart but sometimes, they just didn't know how to get it across. Not for want of trying, just because of lack of training, as it were.

Still, there is one big mistake that I have noticed parents tend to make with their kids, especially with their teenagers or pre-teens. You tend to be after your toddlers a lot and make sure that they learn all the basics. When they reach an age when they have mastered those, most parents have a tendency to leave their kids to their own devices and drop the boundaries. At the same time, the attention that kids used to get constantly when they were younger is not there anymore.

So, in very simple words, imagine: you go from being spoon-fed and told exactly what to do, to suddenly being basically left to work it all out for yourself. How does that feel? Kids think, maybe subconsciously, that their parents don't care as much any longer. In an effort to help them grow and learn responsibility, parents forget that their kids still need attention. The real responsibility they have to learn about is to face and understand the part they play in their own fate. But that's a topic I have already touched and that I want to go more into details later.

YOUR responsibility, as a parent, is to find this fine line between showing that you care enough and that, at the same time, you are prepared to let your kids discover their freedom. But frankly, kids may like to show off and play it tough, but the reality is that they crave attention. If they don't feel they are getting it at home, with you, they will look for it at school and in their other activities, always in a negative way. Their role models will change and who knows whom they are going to choose?

YOUR big responsibility as a parent is simply to be there. You don't always have to physically be there. Sometimes it is not possible, but if you are away on business, call, ask them about their day, answer their questions and tell them stories related to the topic. Call them when they are about to go to sleep or send them a text on their cell phone. If you are separated or divorced and your kids live with your former spouse, keep in constant contact. Just show interest. Show that you are there and that you care about what is going on in your kids' lives. When it comes to homework, you don't have to sit with your 14-year-old every night. Just go in and out of the room every now and then. When you pick your kids up from school or get home, just ask what they are working on, what they did today that was excited.

If your kids don't show interest in sharing information with you, it is because somewhere inside, they feel that you haven't cared enough and they are reproducing the same actions. I am not saying that you don't actually care enough, but their perception is such. It is never too late to change that. Actions speak louder than words, and that's what will make a difference. If you feel that you have lost communication with your kids, be present. Adapt your schedule: Arrange to be there when they come back from school or for their football game or their play rehearsal. Then talk to them about it. Little by little you will rebuild the dialogue.

And most importantly, show them you love them and appreciate them. Even when you are mad at them for any reason, just remind them about the things you like about them, the times where they did better. Your responsibility as a parent is to be a mum or a dad, not a buddy or a friend or a playmate. That you can be ALSO, but never forget that WHAT you are, is a PARENT. Sometimes your kids will complain that you are on their case and maybe you'll wonder and ponder, but trust me, in the long run, they will be very grateful and wouldn't have had it any other way! And they will be all the more successful for it!

And just one last thing: Remember that you are a great parent and that your kids love you. You're doing a great job! Keep at it!