It’s True! Junior High Girls Can Create Thriving Friendships

My basement floor was littered with the sleeping bodies of 8th grade girls. It was 9:50am. I peaked inside the carpeted playroom to see if they were awake. Not yet.

As I was quietly closing the door, my eye caught new drawings on the white board on the wall. I had originally purchased the white board to use as a brainstorm tool for my business. However, once it was installed, it quickly became a favorite place of self-expression for my children and their friends.

I smiled at the new drawings from the previous night. Amidst the goofy sayings like “I like tarts,” drawings of dancers, and colorful rainbows, I saw the centerpiece drawn in red… “I -Heart- Myself.” Wow! How awesome is it for fourteen-year old girls to love themselves?

From Opinionated to Cuddly!

For a few years now, I have been struck by the positive influence these girls have had on each other. There are about ten girls, and they have formed a bond that is a powerful model of feminine support.

Recently, I got curious and asked a few of them about their friendship. Here’s what they said…

What do you like best about your friends?

• I’ll always be treated well.
• We trust each other.
• We are all there for each other.
• Sometimes we argue, but we always come together. We just drop it and move on.
• We’re all different. We’re opposites, but really good friends.
• We all hold each other’s confidence.

How would you describe your friends?

• Funny
• Cuddly
• Crazy
• Loud
• Trustworthy
• Temperamental
• Opinionated
• Sassy

What I’ve noticed is a common set of values that looks something like this… affection, candor, encouragement, fun, heart, honesty, kindness, playfulness, sincerity, spunk, thoughtfulness, trust, uniqueness.

Creating Friendships That Feel Good is Like Flower Shopping

The 3-million dollar question is how did these girls create this type of friendship at the exact age when relational aggression peaks for most girls? I know for my daughter, it came from an extreme case of experiencing what she didn’t want in her friendships. The desire was so strong for something new that it forced her out of her comfort zone and into new friendships. She gradually learned to find and cultivate friendships with girls who made her feel good to be around. It was a bit like selecting annuals for a garden in the U.S. midwest. You consciously look at the variety of flowers available, make your selection, plant the flowers, water them, and enjoy the variety all summer long. Some last longer than others, and you enjoy them while they are blooming.

© 2009 A Way Through, LLC

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE? You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it: Female friendship experts Jane Balvanz and Blair Wagner publish A Way Through, LLC’s Guiding Girls ezine. If you’re ready to guide girls in grades K – 8 through painful friendships, get your FREE mini audio workshop and ongoing tips now at www.AWayThrough.com