L. Duriga

Naming a Daughter -- Naming a Son. Do You Have "Gender Issues?"

When you hear the name Rex what comes to mind? Unless you had a dog or a horse named Rex as you were growing up, you probably imagined someone like an older man in a tweed jacket sitting in a dark, book-lined study as a small fire burns happily in the fireplace. When you hear the name Angelica do you imagine long, flowing hair and chiffon dresses? Somehow the name Rex sounds masculine, doesn't it? And Angelica definitely sounds gentle and feminine. Aside from the fact that names have images associated with them, why is it that Angelica just soundsright for a girl and Rex sounds right for a boy?

Like so many attitudes we have, gender preferences in naming are at work deep in the background. And it's hard to put our finger on what exactly the reasons are that we like what we like and choose the names we do for our sons and daughters.

Let's explore a little what's working behind the scenes, We'll use the top 5 most popular names in 2003 according to the Social Security Administration as examples, keeping in mind these are generalities and parents have almost as many reasons for choosing a particular name as there are names.

PARENTS TEND TO CHOOSE A "SERIOUS" NAME FOR THEIR SON, LIKE MATTHEW AND MICHAEL (#4 and #2 top male names) AND TRENDY, MORE CREATIVE NAMES, LIKE MADISON (#3 top female name), FOR THEIR DAUGHTERS

What's a "serious" name? John. Robert. William. Names that are constant favorites, year after year. Why is it that parents don't stray too far away from the classic names when naming their sons? In 1965 sociologist Alice Rossi published a study titled "Naming children in middle class families." Her findings were that boys are generally given family names and conservative names. The reason? Parents are more serious about the male role and see a boy as contributing to family prestige. So, parents are more cautious about bestowing a trendy or unusual name. Her study is decades old now, and though the findings are still generally true, there does seem to be at least a slight shift underway with unusual names like Chase, Channing, Gavin, and Trey appearing in the name pool for boys.

Madison, #3 top female name in 2003, didn't begin making the popularity lists until the 1980s. So it's had quite an impressive rise in popularity. (That's typical of trendy girls' names. They seem to comeout of nowhere and all of a sudden seem to be everywhere.)

Madison is an English surname that means "son of Mad or Maud." You'll find the gender preference for this name is often listed as unisex, but it's pretty much been taken over by the girls, along with Taylor, Dylan, Morgan, Drew, Bailey and Shannon. It's a one-way journey for a name from unisex to feminine, and more and more names make the trip every year.

More creativity and leeway in naming a daughter means there are a lot more options. That's why most parents say it's easier to choose a name for a daughter. There are virtue names (Honor, Hope, Felicity), gem and mineral names (Coral, Crystal, Ruby, Jade), nature names (Willow, Aurora, Daisy) and place names (Sedona, India, Phoenix) that are overwhelmingly choices for girls. Only an occasional name like Mica, Jett or Austin in these categories is holding its own in male territory.

PARENTS TEND TO CHOOSE SOFTER, LIGHTER-SOUNDING NAMES FOR THEIR DAUGHTERS, LIKE EMILY AND EMMA (#1 and #2 top female names) AND NAMES THAT BEGIN WITH CONSONANTS, LIKE JACOB AND JOSHUA (#1 AND #3 top male names) FOR THEIR SONS

The softer sound of feminine names has to do with vowel sounds and softer-sounding consonants, like "S" "L" and "M". Consonants with a harder sound we relate to strength and masculinity. Like Rex. Or Nathan, Patrick, and Trevor versus Abra, Elena, Ava. The girls' names sound more fluid, less confrontational. Also, male names tend to be shorter which gives them added energy, And a stressed first syllable, common to male names, also makes them sound strong. Final vowel sounds, especially the long "E" sound also mean that female names sound diminutive and child-like. Melanie, Natalie, Phoebe, Kayley -- and you could easily come up with a dozen more.

PARENTS TEND TO CHOOSE NAMES FOR THEIR SONS THAT CONNOTE STRENGTH OR LEADERSHIP LIKE ANDREW (#5 top male name), AND NAMES LIKE HANNAH AND OLIVIA (#4 AND #5 top female names) THAT CONNOTE MORE FEMININE CHARACTERISTICS, LIKE GOODNESS, FOR THEIR DAUGHTERS.

Andrew means manly, courageous. Damian means tamer (of people). Occupation names are generally masculine too -- Tanner, Carter, Fletcher, Warren, Hunter.

Hannah on the other hand means gracious, full of mercy. Olivia is an elaborated form of Olive which is associated with peace and kindness. Also, favorite girls' names often reflect appearance and traditionally feminine characteristics. Linda is Spanish for beautiful, as is the Arabic Leila (dark beauty).

It would seem that girls lose out by being given less "serious" names or lighter, less substantive, weaker sounding names than boys. Parents might worry that a feminine-sounding name like Lucinda will cause her to be passed over in favor of Christopher for job promotions, all things being equal. But before we all try to level the playing field by joining the boys' club and naming our daughters Christopher or Michael, it might be worthwhile to consider that creativity, individuality, kindness and gentleness are also positive characteristics. They have a quiet power in their own right, and those qualities are just as desirable as courage and strength.

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