Before I had children, if someone had talked to me about ‘systems’ and ‘right ways’ to do things in my house, I’d have laughed my little cotton socks off. In my home, I’d lived on my own for over a decade and things got done how I liked, when I liked
Before
I had children, if someone had talked to me about ‘systems’ and ‘right ways’ to
do things in my house, I’d have laughed my little cotton socks off. In my
home, I’d lived on my own for over a decade and things got done how I liked,
when I liked; I never questioned my ‘living environment’ and I was happy
that way.
Now though, I find that to single parent sucessfully, manage 2 companies, plan
a social life (trust me it’s not hugely extensive, but, yippee!, it does
exist!), progress a relationship with my partner, see family regularly and take
time out for holidays, all of this takes a lot of forethought and planning for
each segment to run smoothly and serve me and my daughter well. The foundations
of all of this are that my home is ordered and time spent doing daily tasks is
contained. Here are a few tips that work for me and, if you don’t already have
some of these in place in your own home, I hope they’ll make a difference for you
too.
1. Share
the workload: Chores done well at home benefit everyone living there.
If our children are old enough to communicate they can contribute to the smooth
running of the household. The earliest chores may simply be putting pyjamas
under the pillow at the beginning of the day and folding clothes neatly at the
end of the day – most 5-year olds can do that. More advanced chores like
dusting, washing up, cooking and shopping can be shared out gradually as the
children grow older. And it’s smart to encourage a gracious attitude while
doing their household tasks. These are good lessons for our children as they
begin to understand about responsibility and grow steadily into confident
adults.
2. Be systematic: Practice good systems and,
when they work, repeat them until they become clockwork. For example, we only
leave the bathroom after my daughter’s nightly bathtime when the bath-plug’s
out, toys are put away, shampoo bottles and soap are in their place, bath mat
is drying over the bath and the light’s off. Or – meal times – we don’t leave
the kitchen until we have cleared the table, put away the condiments (salt,
pepper, ketchup, mayo!), done the dishes, cleaned the surfaces, wiped the table
and pushed all the chairs in. It sounds lengthy but in reality this process
takes less than 5 minutes. Each room then is ordered as the day goes on and
that way none of us have to grow frustrated around chaos and mess. Room tidy –
next adventure!
3. Be Consistent: It’s tempting to give our
children an easy life, especially when we feel guilt around the necessary
transition they may have made from their nuclear family to an extended one.
However, consistency and boundaries, delivered lovingly, are the anchors for
our children to hold onto in a time of change; and they’re the framework to
defining what normality in a new environment is all about. So if your children
were only allowed sweets at weekends in their last home, keep that rule. Keep
the time and the format of mealtimes, playtimes, bath times and bedtimes as
consistent as possible. Gradually the unfamiliar bits in between will become
more practiced, defined and normal giving ourselves and our children the
headspace and incentive to be the happy and creative people we were born to be.
