Preventing jealousy over a new baby and handling sibling rivalry.
Often the arrival of a new baby can disrupt the world of an older sibling, sometimes the attention that needs to be paid to a new born can seem unfair to a child who is more used to having their parents all to themselves. So what is the best way to handle jealousy over a new baby? And what about when they get older and start to bicker?
A certain amount of jealousy is normal when a new baby arrives. Make allowances for how other children feel and try to make time to give other children attention. Don’t leave a jealous older child alone with a new born.
Don’t tell children that there is a new member of the family on the way until you are obviously pregnant,
or they’ll expect the baby to arrive immediately. Draw attention to books, television programmes or find a good website that shows animals or human babies being born. Point out other pregnant women and mothers with babies.
Make the older child feel part of it, let them stroke your tummy and feel the baby kicking. They will also enjoy being involved in preparations such as sticking up wall freezes in the nursery, and once the baby is born they can help with small tasks such as nappy changing and feeding.
Arrange for someone your children like to look after them while you’re having the baby, and when the baby is born give each child a small present ‘from the new baby’. Praise them generously and often to make up for the attention you’ll be giving the baby, and try saying things like, ‘look the baby is smiling just like you. Soon it’ll be as clever as you are too.’ Always refer to the new baby as ‘our’ baby.
So what about when they grow up a little and the quarrels and fights start happening? Well first things first, be fair, and don’t decide who’s in the wrong without hearing both sides first.
If two children want to play with the same toy make then let each have it for a short period. Time each one’s turn with and make sure each has it for exactly the same time to make it completely fair.
Squabbling children can often be united in an activity they both enjoy and can do together. Try reading to them or let them play games on their favourite kids’ websites.
One fun (for you) tactic is to record your children’s squabbles on your mobile phone and play it back to them, even little ones can be brought to see the funny side of the situation. Let them hear what they sound like.
Show them how to be reasonable, teach children to express themselves through words rather than physical violence. Try saying, ‘don’t hit your brother, people are not for hitting. Tell him you’re angry because he shouldn’t have torn up your painting.’
Show a bit of sympathy by telling a wronged child that you know exactly how it feels because you can remember feeling the same way when you were little. Being understood is often more important than exacting retribution.
