Illness brings changes to our loved ones. You can expect your family member with cancer to go through physical changes and emotional ones as well. You may be expecting some of these changes. For example, your doctor may explain to you that chemotherapy can cause hair loss and weight loss. You may not be as prepared for some of the emotional changes you might see.
Your loved one may be depressed or irritable and they may withdraw from you altogether. All of these reactions are normal, and it’s important to remember that each person deals with challenges differently.
As the person who has cancer changes, this is likely to cause strong emotions for you. This person you love is going through a challenging time, and it is likely to have an impact on the way they look and behave.
To see a parent ageing before your eyes can be an uncomfortable experience. A beloved partner who no longer wants to be held or caressed because touch is uncomfortable can make you feel like they have rejected your love. If a favourite uncle turns from cheerfulness to complaining, it can seem as though you have lost the real person already. Don’t deny the feelings that come up for you. Notice how you feel, and admit when you find it hard. Ways for dealing with the feelings you find vary from person to person, but can include sharing them with a friend, writing a journal or meditation.
Try as well to remember that the real person is still there inside what you see. When we look at someone we don’t only see what’s on the surface. It has been said that the eyes are the windows of the soul – so you see much of the real person in their eyes. So remember to look for the real person underneath the changes. Perhaps then you will find your emotions easier to deal with.
Bear in mind that some of the physical changes your loved one undergoes may be temporary, as they could be reactions to medications or the physical strain that comes with undergoing treatment. If the changes are temporary, remember that you’ll likely see them rebound later in the treatment cycle.
Emotional changes can be more difficult to accept, since you may want to help your loved one, but may not know how, or your help may not be accepted. In some cases, the person who has cancer may just need some time to accept the situation. In other cases, you may be able to offer support and help them work through the emotions that are causing the changes.
A diagnosis of cancer is a blow. It can wreak havoc on a person’s body and their mind. These blows can cause all sorts of changes; some of them will be temporary and some may be permanent. Offer the support that you can and maintain patience as your loved one adjusts to the changes in their life. Remember that the person you’ve loved all along is still there.
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