Cancer has a way of shaking our world; we suddenly begin to think of the future far more often, and we may look to this future in trepidation, fearing the worst for our loved one. We may spend too much time wondering what our life will be like if we lose our loved one, even when they are in remission. But, as the old saying goes “Attitude is everything”.
This excerpt from Their Cancer: Your Journey discusses ways to look to the future with hope even as you face the fears that cancer inevitably brings.
It is understandable, with the unpredictable nature of cancer, to fear for your loved one’s health in the future. I do suggest that you acknowledge your fears and deal with them. But if you find yourself feeling fearful for your loved one’s health a lot, and for a long time, then there is something that needs to be done.
It is important that you find a way to let that fear go. Worry has been described as being like negative prayer. Every time your mind plays out the scene of what you fear might happen, it is as though you wanted that to happen. Your conscious mind knows that you really want to avoid that outcome, but your subconscious mind doesn’t know that. You are effectively taking the cancer, which happened in the past, and dragging it into the present with you. Why would you want to do that? Let it stay in the past where it belongs.
How do you make sure you are living in hope? Ideally you notice when you’re not, let go of the underlying fear, and replace the negative visions with positive ones. If you find yourself thinking, “I hope the cancer doesn’t come back”, replace that with a vision of your loved one looking healthy and active. If you have something planned in the future such as a holiday or a family get-together, you could picture them there, and this will help you to feel more positive. This isn’t about making your loved one healthier – it’s about you feeling better. At the same time, your increased confidence in their health may just give them a boost.
After my mother-in-law’s treatment, she was feeling very tired and said to me that she was beginning to feel her age. A morning’s shopping would completely wear her out. I told her I was sure it was just an after-effect of the chemotherapy, which would pass in time. And it has. She has now moved to live near us, and you will find her on the seafront most days, rain or shine: she even goes to the shops in her hiking boots so she can walk on the beach before she goes home.
Living in hope instead of fear is a conscious choice – and it’s one you may have to make over and over again as you deal with the uncertainties and fears that cancer brings your way. But each time you choose to live in hope you not only release the burdens you feel, but you empower yourself and your friend or relative who had cancer to continue to move forward in life. None of us knows how many days and hours we have left – whether or not cancer is in our lives. So, it is incumbent upon all of us to live in hope and accomplish all that we can in the days that await us.
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