Couples Therapy Based On Cooperation

Sep 28
08:01

2011

Abraham Avotina

Abraham Avotina

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Couples therapy can work if each person agrees to cooperate. Here are some things to think about.

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Couples therapy can turn a bad relationship around or it can show one or both partners that their partnership simply isn't going to work out. Long term relationships are challenging in the best of situations. Early in a relationship,Couples Therapy Based On Cooperation Articles each person is on his or her best behavior and highly cooperative. As time wears on, however, these feeding behaviors often wear out. Instead of being polite, kind and compassionate, many times the individuals begin to compete with each other or show their surly sides. This may come as a shock to the other person and may actually end the relationship. Here are some things to think about:

- A therapist for you: Therapists are human and will have their own baggage brought in to the equation. It's helpful to find a counselor who has a healthy view of relationships and is in a healthy long term one himself or herself. It's also important that the counselor be able to see both sides of the story and not favor one partner over the other. Two against one is never a good thing when trying to reach resolution. While each person will have faults to work on, one shouldn't be seen as the bad guy while the other is the good guy.

- Three entities: In any couple, there are actually three entities - each partner and the relationship itself. Many times, each person gets caught up in the 'what I want and need' vs. the other person's wants and needs. Guess what? There is a third entity and that is the relationship. Both people should ask 'what does the relationship need?' This will reduce a good deal of competition and keep everyone on the same team.

- Two more C's: Besides the two C's of cooperation vs. competition, there are two more. These are contamination vs. contribution. Every time a person is going to say or do anything, he or she should ask himself or herself "will this contaminate or contribute to our relationship?" If it will contaminate it, further destruction will be done to the pairing.

- Another C: A final C to think about is compromising. While many of us have been taught to compromise, this isn't always the answer. When we think of having to compromise, we think we are giving in or giving up a part of ourselves. This isn't always the best outlook and can lead to resentment. Instead, reframe the thinking into cooperating with each other.

- Sometimes it's over: In the case of violence or substance abuse, sometimes it's best to let a relationship die. When deal breakers such as these occur, the pairing is probably not worth fixing.

When a relationship has been in place for a long time, patterns will be set up that can be difficult to break alone. Going to couples therapy is a good way to break the bad patterns and set up healthier new ones. Having a spouse or lover who is also your dear friend can be one of the most satisfying experiences available. The way to keep this friendship thriving is by focusing on the C's of cooperation, contribution and being compassionate and downplaying competitiveness, contamination and surprisingly even compromise.

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