Day 230

Thoughts: Following yesterday's blog on Self-Sabotage - 
In my experience of life I am aware I self sabotage. There are also times that I am not aware I am self sabotaging. I am unconscious to it, I have ingrained it so deep into my being, since born on earth that self sabotage comes naturally. The unnatural becomes natural. This is the human condition. 
Here are examples 5, 6 and 7 (1,2,3,4 in yesterdays blog!)
5. I am present to self-sabotage when I am getting what I want and then lose it.
When I am stuck in sabotage I believe that I don't deserve to have what I want. And when I get what I want, I often lose it or mess it up. The true story underneath that I think I'm not good enough to have it. 
I pull myself out of this by listing all the things I have accomplished that faded away. I simply notice these things, but don’t place any judgment on the fact they disappeared. How did they bring me satisfaction? How did they make me feel? What is the limiting belief that I have that tells me inside why I can't have what I want?
By writing these things down you may feel awkward or unnatural to you as it is rare that human beings acknowledge themselves. When was the last time you told you how much you loved you?! Or thought nice thoughts about yourself? As I said yesterday you are not bragging or boasting about yourself when you write these things, you are acknowledging yourself. When you can truly acknowledge, love and nurture yourself, then only can you for others. If you can see your greatness, you will then recognize it in others.
When I write them down, it automatically creates a shift in energy in my body. I experience gratitude, love and respect for my self. Out of gratitude, love and respect I can create more of what I want. 
Be quiet, be still and listen to it - listen to it with your whole body, not just your mind. 
6. I am present to self-sabotage when I chase away relationships.
When I am stuck in sabotage I always feel something is missing in my relationships or find faults with the other person. In this moment that I do this I am afraid of intimacy. Underneath this is a fear of abandonment and exposure that causes me to distance yourself from others. In this mind frame I think if someone gets to close they will find out that I am 'not good enough'. Something that I created in myself since a young child. 
I pull myself out of this by creating a list of the qualities I value in a relationship and the qualities I want to attract in my relationships. I express what I want and don't want to the other person and allow them to express the same to me. This allows us to create a authentic relationship from the beginning - the foundation. I create time to acknowledge the other person on a regular basis. I notice when I feel afraid and I don't try to push the feelings away. I know that the feelings are there and that is fine. Then, in that moment, I focus on what feels good about the relationship.
7. I am present of self=sabotage when I convince myself that I have no purpose.
Do you feel you have no purpose in life? We all have some purpose for being on the planet and now is the perfect time to notice yours.
To pull myself out of being a victim to this I write down all the things that are important to me – the thing I want to create in my life. Then I write out what I want to contribute to the world. From my writing, I create a statement of purpose for myself that I can read each and every day.
If you can relate to this form of sabotage, write it out for yourself too and then stop worrying about not knowing your purpose and start creating what you desire now. It doesn’t matter what you want in the future. So start creating something you want in your life NOW. This action will ultimately put you in alignment and bring you closer to your overall purpose.
We can all be conscious creators of our own life experience - if we choose. 
Challenges: Recieving with simplicity everything that happens to me.
Triumphs: This cleanse is something else. Each day I am having new experiences - ones I've never done before - well of course since I have never actually done this cleanse before. Just 3 minutes ago when I was typing this blog Andrew opened the cupboard, I instantly became hungry, I heard the sound and had previously linked the two together - that sound and food. Funny discovering all these little attachment I have to things!
What I Ate Today:
Food fest 1: Day 5 out of 7 on the master cleanse! That is water with maple syrup, cayene pepper and the juice of lemon. 
Exercise: Today I was trained by Ryan from Big Al's gym!!! I started to write about my experience there and what I got present to - it is amazing how a group of people working together to get people healthy and strong can completely alter our state of being. It's like you walk into this gym and you automatically jump into an active nurturing, loving and energetic place! So I am writing that in tomorrows blog!!!