Marriage Counseling Non Hollywood Style

The biggest obstacle facing most married couples is unrealistic expectations in regards to their marriage. Some of that blame can certainly be placed to the happy ever after magic that Hollywood sells for romantic movies. Popular romantic movies such as "Sleepless in Seattle", "Pretty Woman," and "An Officer and a Gentleman" are just a few of the romantic movies that Hollywood has churned out to fuel the dream of a happy ending and true love.

What would happen if the cameras didn't stop rolling when the happy Hollywood couple walks off into the sunset? Would we see the fights, the boredom and the reality of clashing dreams and expectations kill the romantic love that promised to conquer all?

These Hollywood films teach couples to gloss over the glaring relationship problems and use a wedding ceremony to fix all of their problems. If this worked the divorce rate would be non-existent. Marriage counseling is usually what couples turn to when the unsuccessful Hollywood methods fail to work any longer.

But marriage counseling can be successful if both people in the relationship are committed to saving the relationship and are willing to examine all of the unrealistic expectations and adjust them accordingly. Couples have to let go of the Hollywood happily ever after if they want the real deal and marriage counseling is the best way sometimes to find the path to that reality.

Ask any counselor and they will tell you that the biggest obstacle women, in particular, bring into any romantic relationship is the expectation that their life problems will go away if they find true love. "An Officer and a Gentleman" is the type of movie that showcases that expectation with Zack joining the military to escape the realities of his mother's suicide and his father's abuse. Throw in a beautiful and desperate "townie" named Paula who has no hopes of escaping her life working in a factory unless she can meet and marry a young up and coming officer. Their paths collide and in the end, he carries her up and out of the factory to the cheers of the other working girls to their happy ever after ending. Paula believes her life will now be perfect because she has found love.

And yet if the cameras had continued to roll, they likely ended up in marriage counseling because they each expected the other one to make their life magically happy all of the time and neither could live up to the expectations to do so. And it would be very unlikely that Zack would be carrying Paula across the threshold of the counselor's office either.

The reality of marriage is that it is hard. And marriage counseling is not admitting defeat as much as it is acknowledging that marriage is hard work that may need the guidance of someone other than a Hollywood director to make it a successful endeavor. After all a happy ending doesn't always look like the ending of a romantic movie.