When Friends Are Hurting Your Business

I have wonderful friends. We enjoy invigorating conversations, attending social functions together and just being there for each other when we need a listening ear or someone to make us laugh.

I also have some friends who are selfish, inconsiderate and opportunistic.

But, despite their shortcomings, they can also be a lot of fun, highly energetic and willing to go on adventures at the drop of a hat. Money and time are not an issue.

Because many of my friends have family and work responsibilities, and some are limited financially, I held on to my less than true friends who shared a passion for fun and adventure. I was willing to settle with relationships I couldn't count on in order to satisfy my love for travel and exciting activities.

I tolerated unkept promises, doing all of the work to arrange activities, planning and organizing and saying yes to requests even though they weren't there when I needed help.

One of these relationships created arguments between my partner and me. We were constantly pulled into arguments between one friend and his fiancée. They had a toxic relationship and we thought we could help. We were wrong.

As New Years approached, I decided to look back over the past twelve months and realized I had given up a lot of my personal energy and effort to people who had no genuine commitment to our friendship or me as a person.

During the course of my workdays, my mind often wandered to all the commotion surrounding these people and although I knew I should be focusing on my business, I had difficulty pushing the thoughts from my mind. I was caught up in the whirlwind of their melodramatic lives.

Sometimes it takes one significant event to finally drive the message home and thankfully New Years Eve created the turning point.

We were having a small get-together of friends and family. All of our guests had confirmed their attendance except for our fairweather friends who had assured me they would let me know if they were coming or not.

Finally a few hours before guests were to arrive, I called them both.

One friend's young daughter answered the phone and told me her mother was gone out. (I could hear her mother coaching her in the background.)

The second friend told me his fiancée had made other plans, but he would come to the party early because he wanted to get a head start on planning a trip we've arranged for late winter. He didn't show up and we don't expect to hear from him again until he needs something.

We had a great time with our good friends that evening and the next day I decided to look back over the last year to try to figure out why I was tolerating people who only gave time and attention to my partner and me when it suited them.

We had known our friends were like this for many years, yet we didn't do anything about it. We accepted them for the way they were regardless of how it affected us.

As I looked toward the future of my business, I realized how much valuable time I had lost due to interruptions created by these friendships. I had given up many nights of sleep trying to figure out how to help my friends in the dysfunctional relationship and many productive hours during the day when my other friend would show up at my home looking for someone to talk to for several hours.

And then, I made a decision.

I decided to end the relationships.

And since I made the decision, life has become productive and focused again.

My partner and I no longer obsess over how to manage the fighting couple and my mind is now clear to focus on nothing other than my business and my goals for the year ahead.

The decision to break free was liberating.  I think clearer, am more focused and am excited again about the future. My partner and I are now focusing on us again, not on other people's problems and it is simply refreshing.

Not until we decided to break free from these destructive relationships did we realize how stressful they had been on us. We were fighting with each other, were constantly trying to fix everyone else, and were resentful for allowing ourselves to be used, but not doing anything to change things.

As you look back on your year, ask yourself the following questions:

1. What relationships, if any, have held you back, consumed your thoughts or created tension in your life?

2. What have these relationships cost you in happiness, energy, time, money or progress?

3. Is it worth the price?

4. What can you do about this today to create a more positive future and profitable business for yourself?

Choose to make the year ahead your best year ever. Sometimes you have to let things go that are hurting you, but as soon as you do, you create room for much better things to come into your life.

2007 © Laurie Hayes - The HBB Source